I see my pride and it's slipping away-ay (with a high c)

In my never ending quest to find my mojo I went to see an acupuncturist, more on that later.

In the same building as my acupuncturist is a temp agency. On the heels of being fired on my birthday (you best believe there will be more on that later) and just all around restructuring of my business; I thought it would be a good idea to get a temp job. So I popped into the agency, wowed them with my Texness and booked a formal interview for this Friday. As I am walking to my car the receptionist calls to tell me that she has a possible job for me and wants me to come in Thursday for testing and to chat with a rep. "Sweet! I'm there! See you Thursday."

Yesterday was a beautiful day in Houston. The birds were singing, the sun was shining, in November it was sunny with a high of 72! I was rolling down West Alabama on my way home. Windows down, radio up (way up) I was feeling so good I decided to sing along. At a stop light I noticed that the car next to me was listening to the same station. At first I was embarrassed but when homeboy next to me started with the air guitar I figured, 'why not' so I threw my left arm up in the international sign of Rock On and rocked out!


I have stopped keeping my phone in my bra and now keep it in the ash tray while I am driving. I just happened to look down and saw that a call just ended. I didn't remember making a call and I didn't hear a call come in on my headset. I checked my call log and my phone had somehow auto dialed the last number...to the temp agency where I had just wowed them with my Texness!

FUUUUUUUUCK!

I take a deep breath and I purposely redialed and got the receptionist. "Hi there! This is Tex In The City..."

"Oh hiiiii Texxx" I could tell she was stifling a giggle, bitch.

"Yeah, I think my phone may have called you by..." she cut me off mid sentence to tell me that she didn't peg me for a classic rock gal. "I would have figured you'd like R&B." At this point if it was possible for a black girl to turn red with embarrassment I would be the shade of a beet. Not so much by the phone mishap, whatever, stuff happens. It was the song that they heard me rocking out to.

Ladies and gentlemen, please enjoy the musical stylings of BOSTON while I go hang my head in shame.

Not Even With Myself

"I don't know if I am mentally tired or what. I feel...disconnected as if I am in a fog and it sucks because I am in a pretty good place and...I feel...you know... how suicidal people feel...when they wonder what is the use of going on because..."

Panicked she says, "Wait. Are you feeling suicidal?"

"Uh, no."

"Ok, I was just checking. When you mentioned suicidal people I thought that was your cry for help."

"Dude, are you kidding me? I am not motivated to clean my ice box, check my mail or have sex with myself. Where exactly am I to find the motivation to kill myself."

"Not even with yourself?"

"Not even with my...wait a minute (long pause)...nope not even with myself. My internal GPS can no longer find Tex's Sex Drive. It's not even on the map, my sex drive is like some unincorporated section of town. "

"Damn."

"Eh, it happens."

"Don't you mean, not happening?" she said with smirk.

And with that I hung up and went in search of my vibrator. Only to be distracted by another battery operated device...my remote.

That's A Wrap

I just wrapped on the film that I was working on! It is eight minutes to three o'clock am, I am just now walking into my apartment, I am wide awake and the happiest I have been in ages! I'm not sure why though because I really didn't do much but here is what learned...

1) I am old. I got involved with this film through my high school drama teacher who is now a film professor at a local college. I just had a birthday and no longer just tongue kissing forty. Forty and I have progressed to full on under the sweater making out and soon there will be under the bra action. Who am I fooling, forty and I are one of those "everything but" couples!

Anyhoo, I was on a set with kids. Yes, kids. The continuity guy called me, "Ma'am" and there was nothing I could to do. I am over twenty years older than him. I could be his mother. Then there was the girl who asked how I knew the AD. When I told her that she was my teacher in '86 I could see her doing the math in her head. Then it happened, " Oh...my...gawd...you're...like...ALMOST FORTY!" And with that any illusion I had of being a youthful 38 went out the window.

2) I am not a film lover. I can't tell you who won the Oscar for Best Picture in 1988, I don't can't name a Fellini film and up until a few years ago I thought the Best Boy on a film set was some sort of fluffer. BUT...I love the process of film making. Auditions, preproduction meetings the actual filming of the movie, THAT was fascinating to me.

Anyone who has ever been to a movie with me know that I like to watch the closing credits. The way I see it, even the crappiest movie takes time, money and the effort of an army of people who lived, slept and ate nothing but that film for however long it took to create. Stick around and give the Key Grip, the 2nd AD and the Craft Services people some love.

3) I can cross Be Part Of A Film Crew off of my Bucket List. I can't act and always knew that the actors life was not for me but I always toyed with the idea of doing something behind the scenes and wanted to be part of a film crew at least once.

Finally, I now know the true meaning of Labor Of Love. The movie that I worked on is a small independent film. The budget is teeny tiny and many people either worked for free or a "very deep discount." Many of the cast and crew had full time jobs and I know of some who had several jobs on top of what they were doing with the film. They worked long, hard hours and in all of my time on the set I never heard a complaint. I think one of the crew members said it best, "I've had money. I used to have a $2,000 a day min. Now I just do what make me happy and I don't know too many people who can say that and mean it."

We should all be so lucky.

Alrighty, it's 4:40 central and some of you will be waking up soon to start your work week. I am heading to bed and plan to be there for a good part of my day!

Goodnight/Good morning/Good Day
Tex

Quick Wrap Up

Meeting went well. Can't say too much until everything is in place so just keep wishing me luck.

I have been crazy busy with one particular client.

I think I may have found a mentor.

I think I need some kind of PMS patch or hormone pie. I have been such a cranky pants lately. I was at an event Friday night and didn't really feel one of the women who was working the booth with me. I don't play poker and don't have a poker face. She happened to say something that I thought was nutty and it showed on my face. My grace went out the window when I asked her, "How many milligrams does it take to get you through the day?"

Anyhoo, tomorrow is a day of rest for me. I have one appointment at 9:00am and will be done by 10:00.

Whoo to the resting hoo!
Tex

By the time you read this...

I would have had a very important meeting...that I can't tell you about until it's all done!

Wish me luck!

In The Weeds

I am waaaay behind my massive to-do list this week. I am reminded of the feeling I would get when the hostess double sat me on a busy Friday night when I used to wait tables.

One of the lessons I am having to learn is: Just because the calendar square is empty doesn't mean it NEEDS to be filled.

It is 8:30 and I am heading to bed. Waking up early in hopes that I can cram all I need to get done by noon.

Wish me luck.

I am totally in the weeds.

Tex

So...uh...yeah

Now you may be thinking,"Tex, now no one is THAT busy, what they hell have you been up to?!"

Well...the business I started as a lark is really taking off. Sort of. What I mean is that I am actually putting forth effort and what do you know?! I may be on to something! Business cards are ordered. DBA will be filed with the county soon. Now that I am running my business and not let my business run me I feel as if I may have finally hit my stride. Me very happy.

I am working on a film and we have two very big shoot days where we will have over 200 extras. My job? Wrangle them and keep them entertained. I know, I know! Crazy huh?

My work with Lexy.com is going great! The Macho Nacho sent me an e-mail calling me a Rock Star. That make me feel good because I wasn't sure about taking the gig in the first place. Sporty has been a great help. Ok, Sporty has written all of my copy, but IT'S MY VOICE ON THE BROADCAST! LOL Anyway, I will be posting Blissville Lexy's soon so that I can get more practice.

What else, I went to a haunted house on Saturday! I don't like to be scared and stay away from scary movies but my friends wanted to take me so I went. It. Was. So. Much. Fun! Not the kind of fun that I would do on my own...EVER AGAIN, but the kind of fun that may require an post on to itself.

So...uh...yeah...busy.
Tex

A blog a day...

I signed up for the national blog month challenge and vowed to blog daily for the month of November.

I am blogging from my phone on my friends sofa. we polished off two wonderful bottles of wine as we were celebrating my birthday. Me very happy!

Got the names of some people I want to try out. (will explain more when I am not typing with thumbs)Again, me very happy.

Well I am off to finish my Port.

Have a lovely day and be prepared for a super long OH MY GAWD GUESS WHAT HAPPENED post tomorrow!

loveyoumissyou,
Tex

Birthday Love

Q:"What kind of person doesn't answer their phone on their birthday?!"
A: The kind of person who with the exception of being fired by a client spent the rest of her day fielding nothing but happy birthday well wishes!

Today was my birthday and it was a great day from beginning to end. I can't remember the last time I felt so loved. At the stroke of midnight I got calls and texts. Everywhere I went I was greeted with warm hugs genuine "It's so good to see you!" 's (I would so not make it out of the first round of the Grammar Rodeo lol) It was crazy, I felt like a rock star.

Anywhoo, I started this post HOURS ago. I have lots to share but the birthday loves just keeps on coming. So I'll tell you more tomorrow.

Holla,
Tex

...---... That was morse code for SOS

If I have learned nothing this year I have learned this: When people are in crisis they tend to move to the Isle of Isolation when that is the EXACT time you need to be reaching out to your friends for help. Here is the deal...

A very dear friend of mine is in the hospital and it's like a bad episode of House. She presented with something fairly simple but it turns out to be something more complex. Test after test have been run and they think she has cancer which has just devastated her and her family. The good news, if you can find good news in situations like this, is that we live in Houston and have one of the worlds BEST cancer centers, MD Anderson. God willing she will be moved there this week.

I went to visit her this weekend and did what I do best. I made her laugh. I offered to go all Shirley McClaine in Terms Of Endearment at the nurses station if she needed some pudding, some ice chips or an IV drip of Diet Coke STAT! I also offered to be her patient advocate because her parents and her husband are too close to her and are just as shocked at the news as she is. Katie needs someone who can take notes at appointments, ask questions about treatments and just be the objective third party who holds her hand through this entire ordeal. Hey man, don't let the jazz hands fool you, right now I am all business and a force not to be reckoned with.

Here is where I need your help. Right now I have more time than money. Katie is going to be in the hospital for a while and is going to need some things. My friend Kim has offered to help me put a basket together and I am hoping that you guys can help me fill it. I wanted to fill an iPod with happy songs and maybe some audio books because her room is so dreary. My friend Joyv offered a spare iPod so if any of you guys have any iTunes card are laying about send them my way.

She needs things to keep her busy and I don't know if you have seen daytime television lately but it sucks. She is an artist so I was thinking of getting her puzzles, sketch books, colored pencils, pretty journals, Sudoku books, mad libs, chemical free soaps and lotions anything that you can think of to keep her spirits up. I was going to throw in some porn just for good measure but that's just me.

All kidding aside, guys I need you. I am a 'fixer' and it's killing me that I can't fix this. The only thing I can think about is how good she will feel to know that she is not alone. That people who don't even know her are wishing her speedy recovery and and were willing to chip in a few buck for some Mad Libs and cheesy feel good music.

If you are moved to help, DM me on Twitter or send me an e-mail to the e-mail in my profile and please ReTweet this. You never know who know someone who can help. I am hoping that someones, best friends, cousin went to med school with the best oncologist in Texas and just so happens to work in Houston. You never know. I can happen!

Thanking you in advance,
Tex

PS: I have not been a practicing Catholic in over 15 years, but I kicked it old school and went to St Annes and lit some candles. Ok, I lit them all and gave some nun the stink eye when she told me I could only light two. I am so going hell.

Week Wrap Up

Bruised my tailbone and it hurts like a sonofabitch. According to www.yougonnadie.com it will hurt for three more weeks. Lovely.

New job said, "We LOVE you but...we hired you to answer our busy phones and they only ring eight times a day now." Last day will be next Friday.

Unemployment got approved! (Waiting for the money to actually be assessable.)

Had the opportunity to practice my new found Grace on Monday. Happy Head Person would be proud.

Had not one...not two...not even three but FOUR pleasant conversations with various family members. That alone is reason for cheer.

One friend is in the hospital here in town and they can't figure out what is wrong with her. Words like TB and Lymphoma have been floated. Very scary. Please pray for her.

My younger cousin is in the hospital in Dallas with blood clots in his lungs and heart. Words like open heart surgery have been floated. Very scary. Please pray for him.

Speaking of floated, you hear about the kid who took off in a balloon, or rather did you hear about the kid who told his parents that his sibling took off in a balloon and had NORAD looking for him only to be found in the attic?! That shit is scary and funny at the same time. Scary because I can't imagine what the parents went through and funny because he's SIX and when your six the world is just one big romper room.

According to my mom I did something similar when I was three or four. I hid under the sofa and fell asleep. My mom had the entire neighborhood and the cops at our place looking for me. I woke up crawled from my hiding place and asked what was going on. My mom said that my grandmother is the reason I am here to tell the tell. That Grandma told her to walk away and count to ten. Something about me smiling and not having a clue of the stress I caused, induced the Mommy Dearest reflex in my mom to come out. You know the "I don't know if I want to hug you or beat you"thing. Yes, I have been bratty from birth.

I guess that is it. Tell the people you love that you would drink dirty bathwater and sleep on a hollow log for them. Tell the people that you don't love the same. They will wonder what you are up too! HAHAHHAH

Party on,
Tex

Saving Grace

I was chillin with my Happy Head Person on Friday when I told her about this breakthrough I had. See, a few sessions ago Happy Head Person mentioned that I may lack grace. Which of course was great fodder for the voices in my head. 

"What you mean I don't have grace?! Your mama don't have no grace! I have you know Miss Healer Lady I am CHOCK FULL of grace thankyouverymuch. Humph."

"What is this grace you speak of? Does that come with cheese and a side ranch?"

"Grace? As in Maria Full Of? I wonder how one becomes a drug mule? Think of the cash we'd make! But then we'd have to swallow balloons and if you think a condom has a nasty aftertaste imagine a balloon full of smack. Nevermind."

Anyhoo, last week I had a situation where I had motive AND opportunity to verbally bitchslap someone and a friend of mine commented on how gracefully I handled the situation. I told her, "That wasn't grace that was restraint." Fuck. Me. Hard. Happy Head Person was right. I really don't have grace. Had I been a cartoon there would have been a (Al Gore approved spiral) light bulb over my head. We spend the rest of my session talking about Grace. Where to get it. "Amazon.com? Ebay?" Sadly no. Who has it. Grace Kelly AND she has a purse named after her! (Which by the way is a dream of mine. No seriously. I will not consider myself a success until I am rocking a red Kelly croc. I'm just sayin'.) Finally how to practice it in my daily life.

So I get my first chance to practice this grace thing pretty quickly. I got an email from a person I knew from Company X. She asked where I have been and said that she misses me. I sat and thought about what I wanted to tell her. Old Tex, circa 1997, would have pounded out something like, "The bitches fired me over a month ago and I hope they all rot in hell." Kinder, gentler Tex would have said, "Oh, I got let go about a month ago. How are you?" It was the truth. No harm no foul but it wasn't graceful and damnit I am going to be graceful if that is the last thing I do. So this is what I wrote back. "Oh, I miss you too. I am no longer at Company X and am now working for a few super cool clients as a freelance personal assistant. Shoot me an email and lets get together for drinks!"

BOO YA BITCHES! Grace 1! Bitterness ZERO! Ahh yeah baby, up high! For a split second I was going to email Happy Head Person and tell her how I just served up a heaping helping of grace but thought, "No, Tex. Graceful people don't go around telling other how people how graceful they are. They may blog about it but they never boast of their grace!" :roll eyes:

Sunday morning I was on my way to a shoot. Sporty came by to help me with my pre game Lexy, and as we were heading out I didn't see a pebble on the stairs and rolled an ankle. Overcompensated and rolled the other. Dropped my bag. Fell on my ass and could just imagine what I must have looked liked. Grace 1 Pebble 3. SonofabitchthisshitHURTS.

I drive a big ass truck with a standard transmission. Clutch and swollen ankles don't mix. I sat there in pain, thinking. THIS is what Happy Head Person was talking about. How I react to crises. How I let my emotions overtake me. For a nanosecond I was going to call and say I couldn't make it. I mean I just fell down stairs, hurt both my ankles and can't drive! How I pawn off my responsibility like druggies pawn their friends belongings for a fix. That behavior is not grace.

I told Sporty to stop fretting over me and to make sure my laptop was intact. It was so I was on my way, because graceful people don't flake out because they are clumsy. They don't call and say they won't be there 20 mins before they are expected, even if they are the smallest clog in the wheel and probably wouldn't have been missed. 

When life comes at you like a six foot two, three hundred pound defensive tackle and knocks you on your ass the only thing you can do is get up and walk it off. I am learning that life...hell I may not always be graceful but I can always choose to be graceful. I would have done a happy dance at this revelation but both my legs are elevated with frozen vegetables on them and my butt bone is throbbing. Oh yeah, I am a vision of beauty.)

In keeping with the focus on what I am rather than what I am not...Today I AM: Grace 

Peace out party people and as always I wish you peace within.

Tex

Things That Crack Me Up

I just loose it when he starts singing along and is he calling her Molly?

Never Late

"God is the source of my supply and I bless all channels in which it manifest." Florence Shovel Shinn

I believe that God is never late. Ever.

I have been unemployed for a month and still waiting for the fine people of Texas Workforce Commission to approve my unemployment claim. Spoke to a very kind man the other day and he told me that I should know something by the end of the week. Fingers are crossed but truth be told I have faith that it will all work out.

Spoke to my landlord the other day. Told her what's going on and ended the conversation with, "Please don't evict me." She assured me that wasn't going to happen.

My friend the Prime Minister told me that one of boyfriends family members suffered a horrible tragedy. Their young 13 year old nephew, went to fix himself a meal. The pilot light was out and when he turned on the oven he inadvertently started a fire that quickly engulfed the kitchen and eventually his 13 year old body. The family lost everything and he's in the burn unit.

My place is chock full of stuff that I was going to get rid of anyway. At first I was going to e-bay it but lets face it, I am lazy. I decided to either give this shit away or toss it, so when she told me the situation I thought it was a win/win and offered her my PSP. (Ok technically I offered Sporty's PSP but whatever.) She kept asking me how much. I kept telling her it was a gift. Then she'd ask how much and I'd give a price and she'd say no higher. It was like the Price is Right except there were no Barkers Beauties.

Long story short, I know too late. I gave her the PSP, she handed me an envelope with a check in it with instructions not to open it until after 7:00pm. I forget about it until I start to do my bills and realize that I am short. Not Here's Your One Chance Fancy short but enough for me to contemplate selling my spleen on Craig's List. Then I remember the check and I am glad I did! Because with her check I have juuuust enough to keep fighting the good fight. Oh and then I check my mail and there was an unexpected check! Welcome back, two ply toilet paper! Mama missed ya.

Things are looking up for old Tex. My friend Queen Diva says, "It may not be 100% but it is 100% better than it was before." I am going to agree with her.

Today I am: Grateful for all of my blessings. Big & Small.

Peace in,
Tex

When I Am Not Cutting & Mixing

My Happy Head Person had me come up with a list of eight things that I wanted to accomplish by the end of the year.

Something I have always struggled with is my career or lack of one in my case. No, I take that back. I am a career level receptionist. Now, I know to some that seems like a bullshit job. A friend once asked me, "Don't you want more out of your life?" Uh, yeah. But I don't define myself by my career. Besides, Micheal Pare' said it best in Streets of Fire, "You do what you do well and you do it for money." I happen to answer phones and spread sunshine like no other, so deal. But here is the deal: I am bored.

Don't get me wrong, I am super duper blessed to have been fired on a Thursday and have a job offer by the following Wednesday. Yes, party people, I am that good at what I do. And I have been incredibly blessed to work for companies that know the value of a good receptionist and pay me accordingly but again: I am bored.

Last week I had the opportunity to talk with Mr. Asscher which if I didn't say it then is a HUGE deal. I thought I was the shit charging $25 per hour for what I do...he's a grand. Anyway in our talk he explained something called a Power Curve (don't ask) to me and part of the explanation was this, "If you are bored it means, you have the skill for the task at hand but you are not challenged." I think I actually felt the light bulb going off over my head. (Oh and that one sentence of advice from Mr. A? $97.50. Pay up bitches. ;-) )

I have three steady clients. One loves me and will want to marry (read hire) me soon. One loves me but can't really afford me, which sucks because if given the chance (read paid enough) I know I could do great things for them, but love don't pay the light bill. The last one is I just trade time for money like a cheap hooker. Think of home girl in The Color Purple, "I just lay there and let Mister do his business." HA! I crack myself up.

Anyway! Yesterday as part of my Visualization for Manifestation challenge that I am doing with Market Like A Chick on Twitter I asked Uni(verse) to hook a sistah up with a clear sign. I think my exact words were, "I want to be excited about my next project and I want to get paid what I know I am worth." Well pour some syrup on me and call me a pancake! Last night I got a call from someone I had done some work for in the past and they need me. Like, "Can you start...NOW...while we are still on the phone"...need me.

I was going to say no but then I thought, "Foolio, this is the challenge you have been asking for!" While I was talking to my new client I said, "I can sooo help you. This is what I do. Just send me the paperwork and I am on it. Oh, and I can be bossy too? Sweet!" This is a project that begs for my skills and it's in an industry that I have never worked in but always wanted to thus the challenge! Whoo to the hoo!

I am so excited. It's hasn't even been a week since my energy shift and I am already seeing results. I rule and negativity drools! I'll keep you up to date with the happenings but in the mean time I have to prep for a meeting and maybe get some rest.

Peace out and as always...I wish you peace within,
Tex

Reason #891 Why I Am Going To Hell

The company that I am contracting with pays for its peeps to get flu shots. So yesterday I went with my friend who also works there as a Project Manager. I call her Prime Minister because I think that is a cooler title.

We are standing in the Walgreens pharmacy waiting to get our shots when the Prime Minister ask, "So Tex do you have an aversion to needles?"

"Yeah, I try to stay away from them as much as possible. That is why I don't do heroine."

"THAT is why you don't do heroine?" she laughed.

"Well, that and you have to cook it. Dude, I can't remember the last time I cooked a real meal in my kitchen. It's all take out and Smoothie King for this kid. Now maybe if they delivered Smack I'd reconsider. Oh, wait there will still be the needle thing. Never mind."

See, I TOLD you old Tex was back!

Rule of Thirds

In high school not only was I a drama geek, I was the fool running around the cafeteria getting quotes and pictures for the yearbook. Yes, party people, I was that girl. Whatever. The yearbook I edited? WON AWARDS BABY! (This 1990 moment was brought to you by the reunification of Germany.)

As part of the journalism curriculum was a photography class and in it I learned about the Rule of Thirds and I will let you click on the link if you are really interested in what it is but for the sake of what I am talking about here imagine two horizontal lines.


Imagine that you are standing on the top line or rather living there. On the top line you are in the flow. You life is as closed to balanced as it is ever going to get. Mind/body/soul? All happy and content. When you are here you are like Ben Affleck's character in Boiler Room, "Smilin' from ear to fuckin' ear!" Everyday is Christmas and every night is New Years Eve.

When you are in the middle of the two lines, you may not be at peak performance but life ain't bad. You have your challenges but you are able to deal. You may be down but you are certainly not out. Everyday may not be Christmas but you are still happy to find jeans that fit and on sale!

When you are living below that bottom line, you may as well be mentally living in a Russian Gulag. Minor setbacks become huge roadblocks. Balance is just a water colored memory. Holidays? Uh, when you are living here there are no holidays. Every day is garbage day and you overslept! (Don't you hate that?)

So here is the deal. Everything that I explained is fluid. Most people go between living in peak performance and "eh shit happens." Now imagine that you were at peak performance and slipped down to "eh." No big deal right? WRONG. You start living at "Eh" long enough that becomes your normal. You start thinking that is your peak.

To put it in terms that my merry little band will understand. You can't go from drinking Crown to some cheap ass well brand. If you do, you'll start thinking that well shit is good. When you do work your way back up to Crown you'll ask yourself, "What the hell was I thinking drinking this rock gut shit?!"

Well, I have been living in a mental Russian Gulag. THAT has been my normal and now that the veil has been lifted and I am feeling like my old self again I see that I have a looong way to go before I am back to my old self! It makes me sad. It makes me angry. It makes me excited because I feel as if I have a clean slate and I can do whatever I want!

During the throws of some pretty bad PMS I was on the phone with King Bitch and he told me, "You just have to get up each morning and find something good to hold on to. So no matter what is going on in your day you have that one thought to pull your through." I like that idea and have started to focus on what I want vs. what I don't. What I have vs. what I have lost. As my friend Rachel would say, "These are exciting times, Tex...exciting times indeed!"

A few post ago I said that I was going to focus on what I am vs. what I am not. Well, today I am: Focused.

If Sara Can...

I don't remember how I found her blog. What I do remember is the first post I ever read involved her now ex-boyfriend taking a shit in her car, grabbed her by the neck and threatened to call the cops because she hit him. I know, I know! What the fuck right? But here is the deal: Sara is kicking ass and taking names! She would never say this herself, so I will say it for her, "Boo ya, bitches!"

In five short months Sara has moved into a new apartment and has purchased brand spanking furniture for the first time ever. She thriving at her new job and tell her Happy Head Person things like, "Eh, it's been a slow week."

Most amazing of all Sara is in a new relationship. She reconnected with an old friend and things are progressing quite nicely. Where she could have been guarded, she is venerable. She could have closed herself off to possibility, instead she greets each day with arm wide open.

I know a butt load of people who have had a craptastic 2009 but if Sara can overcome someone taking a crap in her car I am sure we can all overcome whatever crap we have going on in our own life.

Peace out, party people...and make like Sara and try to find your peace within.
Tex

The Jazz Hands Are Back!

When I was in the throws of my PMS freak out I posted, ok went on and on about dying, Missy from Blue Candy left me a comment that included this line: "Be jealous, bitches, cuz I did Tony Almeida." THAT made my day. It wasn't that just she remembered that I want to do bad, bad thing to Tony Almeida*. No, she perfectly captured my voice and knew that if I were to write my own obit...I would use the word bitches! Well, I would. Anyway, I stalked her on Facebook to thank her for the giggle and part of her reply was, "I hope the jazz hands come back soon." Well, Missy...the jazz hands are back!

I had the greatest opportunity. I got to spend about 30 mins with someone who is a rock star in my world. I met him over ten years ago at huge event and ever since I have been in awe and just a little bit in love. I can go on and on lets put it like this. I thought I was tough shit when I was offering my services at $25 per hour. He charges $1,000.

I follow Mr. Asscher on Twitter and he posted something that went right over my head. I Tweeted him asking to explain, which he graciously did but I was still clueless. So Tuesday, I happened to be at his office and I went all groupie and asked my client if they could arrange a meeting. Mr. Asscher said yes, I got ushered into his office and BAM! He kicked me some knowledge! He took a very complicated subject and broke it down so that my product of the Texas public school system ass could understand. As he was talking I just kept thinking, "Wow, I am sitting in Mr. Asschers office and he is talking to me and holi Hootie and the Blowfish...I bet that sentence has got to be worth at least $87.50!" It was truly the highlight of my week.

Wednesday was the six year anniversary of my nearly going into the light. You would think that nearly dying would have made a huge impact. Eh, not so much. I mean don't get me wrong, I am happy to be here but I don't feel the need to save the whales or help old people cross the street. Sorry.

Yesterday I woke up and whatever bad mojo I picked up earlier this year hit the bricks. I felt good. Actually, I felt achy and had the worse headache but even with all of that I felt good. I felt as if I could take on the world. Last night I had a random thought and as I was walking to the laptop to get it out of my head on to some cyber paper I heard a voice say, "Tex, you know you can do this." Normally disembodied voices freak me out but this time I said, "Yeah, I can do this."

My internal dialogue is usually chock full of angst. "I'm not this, I'm not that." Blech.

From now on I am celebrating what I AM and today, I AM: Inspired.

Peace out and as always within,
Tex

*I know that Tony Almeida is just a character and that it's Carlos Bernard that I want to do naughty naughty things to. But DAMN, just look at him!

Happy Birthday Kimmie! I will try not to die...

On paper there is no way in hell that we would be friends. She is all about fashion. I roll out the rack and am out the door. She works a nine to five for a huge multimillion dollar company. I bounce around from job to job because it feels good. I think she still may attempt to become vegan one day. I can't imagine life without, white bread, red meat and brown liquor.

When we met Sporty and I were not dating. Then we were dating. Then we weren't dating. Then we were again. She was there for everything. The good. The bad and the "Do I need to bring a shovel or some pizza" ugly.

She is grace under fire and if you are ever getting hauled off to jail for unpaid traffic fines, she is the one to call.

Need a buffer between you and your mom at family gatherings? Yep, Kimmie is your girl.

Kimmie is a rock. Not in the It's The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown kind of way. She is a rock in the steady, always there Gibraltar kind of way. Never in my life have I met someone so dependable and I know to some that may elicit a, "jeez thanks" but when you're someone who lives your life on the line between wacky and wacko you need a Kim.

When you are lying on the floor of a busy restaurant after celebrating her birthday, going in and out of consciousness it's her voice you want to hear yelling at the EMT's because they keep passing, "the restaurant WITH THE BIG BLUE MARLIN ON THE SIGN!" It will be comforting to hear her give details of your life because you are too weak to talk. "No she wasn't drinking. She took two sips and gave it to her boyfriend. Look, it's STILL ON THE TABLE! No, she didn't eat her dinner is in the car! She fainted two weeks ago...no she is not diabetic..."

As I wrote in another blog, "I abhor labels. Good? Better? Best? Subjective. Add the fluid nature of life & your just asking for it but for better or for worse, for richer or poorer in sickness and in health. She is my best friend."

Happy birthday Kimmie and just like I've been doing for the last, wow, six years...I will try not to die!

Dark Tex Going Underground.

This post was inspired by my friend King Bitch who recently said, "Tonight I met Dark Tex. And she is scary." I am not really scary but I have producing 67% less jazz hands than this time last year.

There have been a lot of high profile deaths this year and then with the passing of my uncle...death has just been on my mind. Death has been on my mind to the point that when I finally got home on Saturday I worked myself into a death tizzy. It went a little something like this.

I am going to die. Oh my freakin gawd. I am going to die. I am going to die. I am going to die alone. I am going to die alone and no will know for days. I can blog, hit the publish button and then die and nobody will know. I don't blog consistently so my readers will just think I am off drowning my sorrows in Rolling Rock, dick and weed (the last two I haven't indulged in a quite a while...a long while and I should have because I am going to die!)

I am going to die. I am going to die and my friends will just think I am being flaky. They will think, "Oh Tex doesn't ever check her voice mail. Bitch is most likely in a cookie coma."

Oh sweet baby Jesus, I am going to die and my friends are going to have to break into my apartment. They are going to have to go through my stuff and then they will know what a whack a doo I really am. Well, Green Eyes already agreed to sweep my place for porn but after that then what? They go through ice box and wonder why I have six cans of tuna, 12 containers of Kroger brand lite yogurt and really what is up with the organic chocolate milk?

Fuck. I. Am. Going. To. DIE. I am going to die and what will my obit say? Will I even have one? I mean what is there to day. Tex died. She was in debt. She was well liked by many but was close to a scant few. She very bright but alas was an underachiever AND she was overweight.

By now I am pacing my apartment. I have worked myself up into a tizzy. Think Amber Waves and Rollergirl in Boogie Nights. The scene where they are high on coke and Rollergirl ask Amber to be her mom. Yeah, like that and this is where I get really dark.

Fine, fuck it. I am going to die. Fine. Let's just get this bullshit of a life over with. Whoa...we...aren't thinking about...(pause for poise) ok...where were we? Oh yeah, fuck it. We going to die. Sports Writer is under strict orders: NO BULLSHIT FACEBOOK POST. Nothing worse than fuckers who didn't give two shits about me in life posting about how much they are going to miss me. Uh fuck that shit. My funeral is strictly invite only. Green Eyes will work the door if she has to. And yes, I know it's petty but whatever and think about it...funerals are like weddings. People only go to weddings to see what the bride is wearing and what the cake taste like. Everything else is fluff. Funerals are the same, people go to see how good the body looked and to gauge how many people would show up to THEIR funeral. I am not trying to pad my numbers.

This goes on for about ten mins. I don't have any real assets. My most prized possession is my Archibald Motley that hangs above my sofa. It's not even real but I love it. I dress like Johnny Cash so finding something to bury me in should be easy. But wait, I want to be cremated so whatever. One less thing.

So here is the point where I am supposed to tell you that I felt silly for getting all worked up about nothing. This is where I tell you that I decided to live life to it's fullest. Where I realized that I could turn everything and anything around with the right attitude. Not this time, Skippy. This time I made like a nearly forty Jan Brady and threw my body on my bed and wept. This is my life. It is what it is and damn it, I am tired. I am giving up the good fight.

Fuck The Secret. Fuck the books. Fuck the overpriced life coach. Fuck Chase Bank. Fuck my FICO score. Fuck my crappy apartment. Fuck my frizzy hair. Fuck being underemployed and fuck the motherfucker who refuses to pay me for services rendered. Yeah, I will see your rat ass in hell and you can BEST BELIEVE you will never make my live organ donation list. EVER. "Motha fuk Dre, mutha fuk Snoop, mutha that Guy, mutha fuck Death Row" and mutha fuck me because this is my life and it sucks big Moby Dick because of the piss poor decisions I made so mutha fuck TEX! Oh and mutha fuck not having cable and hormones, because I suspect that some of this is PMS and if it is muther fuck Eve and that fuckin apple.

(sigh)

I don't mean any of that. I am just really tired. Going on radio silence for a spell. I'll be back. I'll be peppy. Hell, I may even be cute. But until then, I just gotta chill.

Peace out and if you are one of the lucky ones with peace within, well bully for you.
Tex




Vanilla Bean

Going into the Jimmy James Way Back Machine to bring you this repost from October 2006. Will Lexy tonight IF...I am not at the Pink concert!

Peace out and as always I wish you peace within.
Tex


When Semi-Ex and I broke up in what, April, I told Best Friend, "I'm going to put a profile on Adult Friend Finder and get my fuck groove on. When I'm looking for love I'll do e-Harmony, until then I'm unleashing my inner ho!" Uh...yeah.

Here is what I have learned. I am in prude in freaks clothing. In my mind, I thought I was some hotsie totsie, freak on demand, fuck machine. Call me up, sex me down! Yeah BABY! In reality...I'm soooo NOT. I got MANY responses to my ad but I'd open up my e-mail and see some guys dick and I'd recoil with a, "EEEEWWWWW! WHO sends a picture of their PENIS?!" Best Friend would gently remind me that the sole purpose of the site was to meet people to...you know...see I can't even type it!PRUDE.

Last week, I showed Best Friend my profile. I was all proud, like a kid with a straight A report card. "Isn't it freaky naughty?!"

"No, it really isn't."

"Whaaaaaat? No look! See what I wrote, THAT is naughty!"

(Sigh)" You know I love you, right? THAT is not 'naughty'." She then proceeded to find another profile. "See? THIS is naughty!"

"EEEWWWWW! Close it!"

The Scientist, I met through AFF, said, "You sound sexy, interesting and real." When we met he said that I was, "...beautiful, had eyes that penetrate the soul." Whooo hoooo! Keep 'em coming big boy, mamma likie! Had a great time and then nothing. I didn't care because I was just looking for some fun. Best Friend ask if I had heard from him and when I told her, "No" she said, "Tex, you do realize that between the lovely tea house and the casual dinner that you could have gone to any of the many hotels in the area and tapped that ass."

Yes, yes, I know but...I couldn't do it. Heaven knows I wanted to, but the Catholic girl in me just kept hearing Sister Ida talk about the gates of hell and how a 'certain type of girl' are all but assured entrance. I'm THIRTY-FREAKIN-FIVE and I'm still listening to Sister Ida from Our Lady of Fatima! AARRRGGHH.

So then The Programmer hit me up. He was AWESOME. Witty. Charming. Great conversationalist. Married. Now, I have had boyfriends cheat on me and I was devastated. I mean, you don't fix your relationship by going OUTSIDE of it. I agree with Dr. Phil, you have to earn your way out. So as a rule, I don't even go there. Journey To Blissville is all about me pushing myself...leaving my comfort zone. I wanted to see if I was the type of gal who could fuck a married man.

I'm not.

Friday Night I hooked up, not REALLY hooked up, we met for coffee. (Sigh) He was hot. Sooooo hot. Oh. So. Hot. AND HE DIGGED ME! Really, sincerely digged me. Loved my body and for the first time in a very long time I felt desired and I liked that feeling. Yes, I was smart. Yes, I was full of personality, but I was also a sex object. It reminded me of the Curly Hair Girls who want straight hair and the Straight Hair Girls who would sell their spleens for just a hint of curl. Beautiful women want to be desired for their brains and Brainy Gals just want to desired for their body. I know I prob set The Movement back 90 years, but it's true isn't it?

He went to kiss me and I would have let him, but his phone rang. It was The Wife. I felt like such a skank! It took all I had in me NOT to stop at Hobby Lobby to get red puffy paint for the scarlet letter that I was going to paint on my clothing. Lavern had her "L" I was going to have my, "A." It's bad mojo to mess with married people. Bad. Mojo.

It's bad enough that I pretty consistently break many of The Big Ten. I don't keep holy the Sabbath. I occasionally take the Lords name in vain. I have been known to convent my neighbors ass and his wife (really, she is smokin). I commit white collar crimes on blue collar pay by sneaking postage for personal mail and once I took a few cokes home because I was having people over and didn't have mixers for the rum. I am trying very hard to make up my teenage years to my mom so honor thy parents is out the window. See, I'm not batting a thousand here! At the VERY least I can NOT COMMIT ADULTERY.

I don't meet the chick who keeps e-mailing because she insist that we meet at her house and I just know that it's a rouse for her and her Teamster husband to drug me, chop me up and sell me as chili meat at the organic farmers market! I SWEAR to GOD and PRADA I saw something like that on 20/20, or maybe it was a Lifetime Movie. The point is...I don't want to become chili meat.

So this weekend I have given up.

Best Friend often says, "I think I'm going crazy."

My reply is always, "You are NOT crazy. Crazy people don't know they are crazy, THAT is what makes them crazy."

It's the same with naughty. Naughty people don't announce their naughtiness. Hell, in 2006 who even SAYS NAUGHTY?!

Here is what I know for sure: I'm a good girl at heart. If I am to take a fuck buddy, I have to be clear that I want a fuck buddy. You don't have to buy me a Christmas gift or know my favorite song but I can't meet you and then strip down fuck you in the span of 30 sec. I am open to the idea of an open relationship but all parties involved must be on the same page. No bad I-just-fucked-your-husband-mojo. I AM adventurous and open but only in...oh who am I fooling? I am a prude in freaks clothing. I may not 100% vanilla but I am soooo vanilla bean. Ok maybe French Vanilla...no defiantly Vanilla bean and that is ok 'cause I quite fancy vanilla bean.

Mind Fucking Is Not Nearly As Fun and Regular Fucking, I'm Just Sayin

Friday I had one of those sessions with my Happy Head Person that had I been a cartoon I would have been able to witness the light bulb shining brightly above my head. LOL. I'll spare you all of the gory details but I will tell you this...she said and I quote, "Tex, you have it all backwards. The Tex that you project to the outside world, the highly intelligent, witty, fun loving, free spirit. THAT is the real Tex. But you think that you are a fraud. Your internal dialogue is so negative. That more than anything is what is holding you back!

The fuck?!

(Insert Scooby Doo head tilt and "whaa?" with a sprinkle of whatyoutalkingaboutwillis eye squint) She continued, "All of the energy, all of the creativity, all of the love and compassion that you give to everyone else...you have to turn inward and give to yourself. It's the only way you are going to break this cycle you have imposed on yourself."

The hell?!

In that moment time stood still. The thin line between the dimensions was erased. I looked around and saw my angels and guides and all of those loving beings that protect me when I do something stupid, like go home with some cute cab driver from Senegal because he told me I was pretty and could talk dirty in three languages. I looked around and they all had the same look. The look of, "We tried to tell you silly girl.We would have told you for free but you wouldn't listen so now you have to pay the nice lady and go yet another month without cable. We gonna check in on our other charges, ones with cable and holla back with you later." Smug beings.

Anyway. Got a homework assignment, hung up and had one of those chest heaving cries that I have become so accustomed to this year. On Saturday I told my friend Green Eyes about my session and she said, "Uh yeah. Tex, you have no idea how bad you talk about yourself. You mind fuck yourself out of doing things but we all do. You just do it more than most." Then we came up with the most fantastic idea!

You know how I mentioned that I was going to go back to the original intent of this blog. Well I am doing it but with a twist! Green Eyes and I had great giggles over some old post. Some were lessons learned others I am sad to report are mistakes I am still making. Either way, I am going to go back and see how far I have come and how far I have yet to go. And because I am embracing new technology I will be adding Lexy to the mix to give a directors commentary, for a lack of a better term, to the post!

I am very excited to see where all of this goes. Even if it goes nowhere but my g-mail inbox. So tomorrow be excited because tomorrow we are going to talk about...penis pictures!

Peace out and as always within,
Tex

Drunk Blogging: The WTF Edition

I banged away on my keyboard for the better part of an hour. Most of it was drunken rage against Uni(verse). But what it boiled down to was this: I have had a rollercoaster of a year with so many up and downs that my head spins just thinking of it.

I know that yummy goodness is mine to have and all that jazz but wouldn't it be nice if we could just go to www.createyourfantasticlife.com and have this shit delivered by a cute boy in a FedEx uniform? The ones with the blue shorts and polo shirt! Just sayin.

My friend J Millions siuggested that I go back to the original intent of this blog and document what would happen if I really put forth effort into creating my life. I think she may be on to something but right now I AM ON SOMETHING* so this is prob not the time to make life choices.

So what do you think, would you be interested in seeing where my life and this blog could go if I really put my mind to it? Don't fret. I will still curse like a wounded marine and there will be lots of talk of drink, dick and divine callings. But Iam liking the idea of getting input from people who really now what the fuck they are doing and from people who are like me just wandering around aimlessly in the dark looking the light switch? Maybe do some Lexy post about what I've learned? Hmm, I think we may beonl to something.

I am not a comment ho but tell me what you think. In the mean time I am going to find some Advil because I am going to have a KILLER hangover in the morning.

Hula,
Tex

*I had a few cocktails at happy hour and came home to finish a bottle of wine and a rolling rock. So not looking forward to the sun rise.

Because you said if I couldn't find anything to blog about I could use your e-mail

Dear Tex,

How did you of all people get fired from such a bullshit job? Were you selling secrets to the Soviets? Were you filming porn at your office during off hours? It was porn wasn't it?

I am going to tell you something that everyone but you knows. You were too good for that job. You are too talented. Too gifted. Too big to be toiling away at some hack job. For the life of me I can't understand why that job meant so much to you. But I love you and you loved it there so who was I to say anything.

I know that you are scared but take a look around and you will see that you are surrounded by people who love and support you. You will not go hungry. You will not be homeless. You will not have to turn tricks on The Montrose to pay your cell phone bill.

This is just another growing pain. Yes, you have had a pisser of a year but like you said the other night, "You are down but you are not out. You can slow down but you cannot ever stop." You give so much time, money and effort to everyone else turn all of that energy inward and maybe you will finally see what we all see.

Let me know if you need anything and send me a link to the porn that got you fired.

G

Dear G,

Thanks for the lovely e-mail. By too big did you mean fat? Way to kick a chick while she is down, asshole. (Kidding.) No, it wasn't porn. You know I clear cookies and history after every shift ;). No worries. No turning tricks...yet. Besides, I can make more money as a pimp vs just being a ho which lets face it, I do fo free!(Not really. I am a good girl who only pretends to have gone bad. Think Girls Gone Mild which you can now buy at CVS again, kidding.)

Thanks to friends like you and a good bra I can keep my chin and my boobs up.

Hula,
Tex

Why I must learn to shut my cake hole (hmmm caaaake)

On Tuesday night I had a conversation with my friend J Millions where I told her, "You know, I wasn't ok with this back in July but now I think I am. I think I am ready for whatever happens and quite frankly I can't handle the stress."

On Wednesday the Universe asked,"Tex, are you sure you are ready?" With foolish optimism I said,"Bring it!"

On Thursday night I was fired.

On Friday I was hungover. LOL

On the one hand I have to ask myself, "How much more craptastic can your year get?" On top of everything else I have had to endure this year, I now get to add unemployment to the follies. On the other hand it's like my relationship with The Sports Writer. By the end I had to ask myself, "What the fuck are you fighting for? Bitch the horse is dead. Stop beating it and please stop placing bets on it!"

My Happy Head Person asked of my relationship, "Do you feel grief or do you feel relief?" In regards to my job I feel the same way I felt when me and Sporty finally ended things*, I feel relief and I feel hurt. I am relieved that it I no longer have to wake up with a pit in my belly wondering if today is going to be THE day. I am hurt because just like in my relationship I tried so very hard even though I knew nothing I did would ever be good enough. I think it was Churchill who said, "Sometimes your best isn't good enough. Sometimes you have to do what is required." In my case what was required was not pissing of the CFO, and knowing when to shut my cake hole. Oh well, you live and you learn right?

I may be down, but I am not out.

I want to say, "Fuck them bitches, you were lucky to have me!" But lets face it, I am so not that hard core. Instead I will say what I always say...

Peace out party people and as always I wish you peace within.
Tex

Stop Cock Blocking Your Blessing

Last night I was chock full of angst and called my friend J Millions for some reassurance. As we were chatting I confessed to here that something she said months ago had been ringing in my head all evening. Back in July during yet another tearful, hormonal call she told me, "Ok, I will hold this vision for you if you want me to but you realize that by choosing this you are blocking your blessing?" Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is not the time for logic!

So last night I confessed to her that I wasn't ready in July but I am now and said, "Long story short, I just need to stop cock blocking my blessings and get over myself and this entire bloody situation!" We then both burst into uncontrollable giggles, because who uses cock block and blessing in the same sentence? I was kicking it old school and spiritual all at the time!

This afternoon I was on Messenger with a friend who has the oppertunity to spend four months focusing on nothing but themselves. As we were chatting they mentioned something that I thought was keeping them from moving forward and said, "Dude, stop cock blocking your blessing and get out of your own way!" Again, giggles were all abound but it was true. Most of the time when we are chock full of angst it's not because of something or someone it's because of us. The choices we made. The thoughts we thought that in our minds were true but we most likely made up to fit whatever drama we created within ourselves. Blah, blah, blah.

Anywho, I twittered all of this and Daisy Random suggested I make that the tagline of the blog. I tend to agree and so I did and invite you all to stop cock blocking your own blessings and get out of your way!

Peace out,
Tex

King Bitch

I love my friend King Bitch. So named because because when some random high school classmate sent a Friend Request on Facebook he not only refused but sent a not back saying something to the effect of "Uh, I thought you were annoying in high school. I didn't like you then and don't think I'd like you now." Some people may find that mean, personally I think it's brilliant. I mean really who hasn't had that thought? King Bitch is who he is. He is honest to a fault and I can't imagine him any other way. Under that gruff and may I say buff exterior is a heart of gold and it kills me that his heart is now broken.

It doesn't matter how or why his relationship ended. It doesn't matter who broke up with whom. When a relationship; be it friendship or romantic, ends it hurts.

Well meaning friends offer words of encouragement, that you don't want to hear or accept. You are afraid to accept hugs because the thought of human contact makes you want to want to burst into tears. Everyone has a break up story to share. Sometimes it's theirs. Sometimes it's their stylist sister's cousin who went to school with their best friends brother in law. Blah...blah...blah. Because when the nerves are raw and the emotion is just below the surface it's all sentimental bullshit.

When I was in the throws of my break up I was either drunk, high or crying. King Bitch cooks, cleans and listens to the most depressing music ever. I am not afraid to admit that he puts my Sad Girl play list to shame. I am also not afraid to admit that as much as I love him and want to take his hurt away I know that I can't. Not that he would ever let me. So I do what I always do in situations like this. I will sit with him, I will talk with him and if he needs me to I will cry with him because dammit that is what friends do when your heart is broken.

King Bitch, you won't let me let me cut a bitch Sweeney Todd style so let me offer you a song. It's one of my favorites and I think it fits the occasion. It's Holly Cole's Cry If You Want To. The line that I love the most is, "Well it's empty and it's ugly and it's terribly sad. I can't feel what you feel, but I know it feels bad. I know that it's real and it makes you so mad...you can cry if you want to."

I love you forever and here if you need me.

Peace out and soon I know you will feel peace within.

Holla,
Tex

Feelin Good

I have been going between Mopey Girl and The Girl Who Is So Happy She Is Falling Off Her Bed While Singing 80's Rock Ballads?

As my friend NoLa Queen Diva would say," (my life) May not be 100% but it is 100% better than it was."

I no longer walk into work thinking that my boss is going to ask for me key and send my bitch ass on my way.

I started a new business almost on a whim and I have paying clients who love them some Tex. I have to admit that it feels good to open my e-mail box to, "Thank you so much for all of your help today. You are amazing energy and can't wait for you to come back next week."

My sibling and I are getting along smashingly! She is good peeps, I love her dearly and am really proud of the work she is doing at her job.

The Sports Writer hooked me up with Lexy.com* and you can hear me as the voice of The Houston Texans Audio Minute and I even started a Lexy for Blissville so we can take the party offline!

I used to wake up and the first though I had was something negative or with a horrible pit in my belly. I noticed last week that the feelings of gloom and doom are fewer. I also noticed that I was feeling genuine gratitude and found myself thanking God, The Universe, my angels and guides, the fine people of Rolling Rock and the cool cats at Nestle for whatever part they played in my new found contentment.

Don't get me wrong, I am still broke. I am still fat. My apartment is still looks like a youth hostel and I desperately need a new car. "Uh Miss, I have been working on cars for over 27 years and this (fill in the blank with some car thing that is fucked up) is the worse I have ever seen. Can we drive you home?" I am still chock full of angst and nearly burst into tears when The Sports Writer told me that I mispronounced the starting quarter backs name in my first post for Lexy*. But you know what? My Sad Girl play list is no longer on repeat for hours at a time. I have amazing people in my life who love me. I have my health. I am building wealth (or at least trying to). And I have some amazing stories to share with you all in the coming weeks but until then you know how I do...

Peace out, party people! And as always I wish you peace within.
Tex

*So here is the deal with Lexy. Lexy is a new social media that sends super duper awesome content to your cell phone or you can listen on your computer. It's called quick casting and it's cool because it's 1-4 mins of info from everyone from NPR to JT The Brick. The best part is that you can join in on the fun by either pressing the number two on your phone or by uploading an mp3. Head over to Lexy.com and click on the icon that looks like a magnifying class and then put in Tex In The City to find out what all the fuss is about! Strike that. Explore the site. Find out what the fuss is about and THEN find me.

Oh and in honor of my non mopey moods lets all sing along with Muse and their cover of Nina Simone's Feeling Good

Cutie Patootie

I have a not so secret crush on one of my dear friends brothers. I even mentioned it on a Facebook Note.

Last week someone was going through my cellphone contacts and asked, "Who is Cutie Patootie?" I took a deep breath, looked to the heavens and wistfully said, "Oh he is just a guy that in another time, in another place and had I been born a different gender could have rocked his world..." I let my voice trail off.

Gerry, like his sister is kind, loving and has wicked humor, but what I love most about him (other than his drop dead good looks) is that he is just an all around good guy. You know what I mean? He is the guy if tell him that you have been wronged he's quick to jump to your defense. He's happiest just hanging out with his close friends and having a cocktail. He has genuine love for his sister and would "cut a bitch" if anyone were dumb enough to mess with her. Like I said before he is a good guy. What's not to like? Did I mention that he should have been a model? Yes, party people he is THAT cute!

Anyhoo, Happy Birthday Gerry! I love you, I miss you and wish you the happiest year ever.

Why I Need Adult Supervision

Were do I begin?

In my last post I am all happy because an e-mail I sent caused all hell to break loose for the client who refuses to pay me. I was so thrilled that when I got home last night I felt like celebrating. And celebrate I did! With the help of my trusty ipod and the fine people of Rolling Rock, I am happy to report that a good time was had by all. By all I mean me and the dust bunnies in my bedroom.

I am feeling pretty good. I have my tunes on. I am dancing up a storm. Oh, and I mean hurricane type storm. I am dancing in the kitchen. I am dancing in the living room. On the sofa. The on the love seat. Blinds wide open. In my jammies. No remorse. I am feeling so good that I decide to sing! I think to myself, "Wow, this is so not the bad Lifetime movie your life has been lately. This is actually pretty good. I wish I could TiVo this moment so the next time I am feeling craptastic I can just replay it!" In my mind I am setting up the scene. Where would the camera go? Would this be a good song to score the scene? It was alot like the was when I crying in my truck but this time I wasn't drunk or high. Ahh good times.

So I am feeling even better. Still dancing. Still singing. Actually, I am belting out the songs by now. Which if you know me you know that I am not a belter. Remember how I told y'all how my poor drama teacher tried to bring out my inner Chaka Khan? Well she would have been damn proud of me in my jammies! I'm just sayin.

This being me, you know something fucked up happened.

I jumped on my bed and started singing Tonight Is What It Mean To Be Young. Those of you who know me on Facebook know that I have been singing that all week. Well my fool ass decided to not just belt it out but to reenact the video. Yes, be afraid.

So I am singing into my Rolling Rock and pumping my fist in the air. No big deal, right? Wrong. I pump my fist right into the ceiling fans blade. I am fine, I keep singing but out of the corner of my eye I see someone watching me. Startled I turn quickly to see who it was, get caught up in my cord of my bullet and fall off the bed, onto my fit ball, bounce off my fit ball and fall face first into my dresser. I fall so hard that I knock myself out for a sec and when I come to my nose is bleeding.

My first thought was, "Fuck! I'm bleeding! Holi Hootie and The Blowfish please don't let my nose be broken." (It wasn't.) My next thought was, "Fuck! I SAW SOMEONE IN MY APARTMENT!" I looked around for a weapon and something to stop the bleeding when it dawned on me. There was no way anyone could have been in my apartment. What I saw was a glimpse of myself in the mirror above my bed! Yes, party people I was afraid of my own shadow.

I used my Shamwow to clean up the beer that was all over my floor. (Get yourself to the As Seen On Tv aisle and get thyself a Shamwow they are das bomb.) Cleaned myself up and decided that maybe I should just sit and read. It was safer.

Have a great weekend. Tell your loved ones that you are down with them like AC was down with OJ and tell your not so loved ones, "Smarty threw a party...and nobody came."

Holla,
Tex!

Oh Happy Day

Blogging at work so will be quick.

Today I was on unintentional radio silence. The fine people of Sprint disrupted my service a day early. Fuckers. (Still mt telecommunication baby daddy but...damn. Give a sistah a break!) I was without my laptop so I was without any distraction.

Wednesday I was a hormonal mess. Chatted with Sporty on Facebook. He is doing well and is putting in a good word for me with a start up that is looking for perky people. But Wednesday night I was crying into my pudding cup and texting Joyv, "Why is it that the likes of HER is happy and knocked up and I am crying into my pudding cup?!" She texted me off the ledge and then my friend J Millions had me in stitches when she said, "I was an angry black woman at work!" For those scoring at home, J Millions is very white and so not the angry type.

So back to today! I stayed at home and slept. I had some positive cds going on and every now and then rolled over and told the universe to fuck off. I quickly added, "Uni, I am stressed, depressed, hormonal and would really liked to get laid. I love you, I am just cranky. Holla." Came to work. Blech. Checked my e-mail and that is when the heavens parted and the angels sang a host of hallelujahs. I got an e-mail notice from Facebook. My friend Ling posted on my wall something about her sending me positive vibes and that something interesting happened because of an e-mail I sent.

I am doing some contract work for a company I used to work for and having trouble getting paid, thus Sprint telling me to fuck off. I sent a very nice, yet firm e-mail to the principles saying I am holding your document hostage until you pay me. Love and light and all that jazz. Turns out that my point of contact has been a jerk not just to me and it came to a head! I know that it's wrong but the vision of my contact turning all red and yelling at his partners because they called him on his shit makes me the happiest girl in the zip code. My mood has lifted and I am all smiles. I feel good because I know I am in the right and I don't have to stoop to Jerkyboys level. So yea me!

Tonight there will be no crying in the pudding cup.

Do Not ANSWER..EVER!!!!

So remember my Dating Detox? Yeah...me too. Well I am back on THAT wagon. See, what had happen was...

What me and Homie were doing wasn't really "dating" per se. So me being the Loophole Finder that I am thought I could get away with having Homie in my stable. Yeah, not so much.

Dude, mistook my cheerful disposition and sweet smile for stupidity and went from getting lots and lots jazz hands to uh..well...lets call it a jazz FINGER. Know what I mean? Yeah. Bitch, play lotto, play Madden but don't EVER think of playin me.

So imagine my delight when my phone, which was not in my bra by the way, was all lit up. When I went to check the missed call list I saw Do Not Answer EVER not once, not twice but EIGHT TIMES in like 15 mins!

SUCKAH!

In the comments: Tex, here is the best dating tip EVER...

Peace out and as always...within,
Tex

Fuck Me Hard Up The Ass W/No Lube And W/out The Decency Of A Reach Around or Why I Need Adult Supervision When I Venture IntoThe Recesses of My Mind

I came up with that title last week when I was feeling all weepy. I was also feeling like those poser at the coffee house who have what they believe to be deep thoughts but you KNOW everything they think they know they learned from Wikipedia. Yeah...good times. But that was then and this is now and right now...I FEEL GREAT!

Dude, can you believe it's be almost a month since I have posted something? Wow, I really need to make time to get back here. So here is an update as to what is going on in my world...

Company X is going through some (cough...cough) changes and I thought I was going to be fired. Turned out that I am...just not now. Me thinks my manager is over my and my incompetent, careless mistakes but has a soft spot for me and my spunk. Bottom line: Find a job now or get fired later. I am working on finding the job.

The Ex and I are on speaking terms. I am over my anger and can now say his name without wanting his head to explode off his head and shoot off into outer space so I can Google image his name and see pictures taken of him by the Hubble Telescope. I'm just saying. Actually I think this exchange explains it better.

Me:"Yeah, I look forward to the day that me and Sporty are friends again."
Friend: Really?! (aghast)
Me: Don't get it twisted! Sporty the boyfriend was no less than sucktastic. A hell I wouldn't wish on any woman! But Sporty my friend is a wonderful human being and THAT is who I miss.

Yeah, one day I won't want to beat him into a bloody mess for the way our relationship ended. Until then, I will choose to remember all that is good in him.

I sent a letter to one of my ex teachers about an idea for a show/website that I want to do and got RAVE REVIEWS! They loved it and told me to get working on it! I am and that has kept me me busy. I am very excited and can't wait to tell you all the details.

I met some people who want to partner with me on some projects that I am excited about. Nothing concrete yet, we are still just talking but I think things will fall into place soon.

Had a great session with my Happy Head Person. I thank all that I hold near, dear and holy for that woman. Fo Shizzle. I bounced my idea off of her and she said, "Yes. You are finally playing to your strongest traits and it's about damn time!" LOL I love her. She also gave me mad kudos for handling my breakup like a grown up and likes how I am moving forward with grace. She also approves of my Year Of The Ho and thinks Boy Toy is a fab idea! (insert kitty purr)

While I am getting my thing off the ground I am pimping myself out to small business owners who need extra help but can't justify hiring a full time employee or they have been looking to fill a position for a long time and still interviewing. I come in and spread sunshine until they find the right and perfect person. They get me for cheap and I keep a roof over my head while I launch my project. It's a win/win for all parties involved.

Today is a banner day because...wait for it...wait for it...ready? I GOT MY FIRST PAYING CLIENT! Whoo to the muther fuckin hoo! I rule and them other smitches drool! (Go Tex! Go Tex! Do da running man! Go Tex!) I am so excited! I had to sit on my hands so I wouldn't do jazz hands at my meeting! LOL

So check this out. I know a woman who owns a small business. I know her through my present job. She is not good with the fluff and that is what I live for. I introduced her to someone who needed her services and then told her, "You know, I can help you build your business. I can help you with all of the stuff that you seem to hate doing but that I live for." She LOVED the idea. Took me to lunch and LISTENED to MY ideas. Asked ME, "Well what do you think about this?" And was IMPRESSED with what I had to say! She e-mailed me this evening saying that she was excited to be working with me and felt LUCKY to have ME on her team! Jesus take the wheel, cause I'm about to pass out. Who knew that my special brand of crazy was marketable?!

That's it for now. Most days I am good. On others I am crying myself to sleep in the corpse position only to wake up in a pool of snot and tears. Like Greg Nice sometimes I rhyme slow...sometimes I rhyme quick. I'm sweeter and thicker than a Chico stick!

Peace out party people and as always I wish you peace within.
Tex

He Loves Me Not And unlikely Friday High Five

Ok so I thought my life was interesting in the, "Wow, Tex. That is some Lifetime movie of the week shit." Then I found this blog.

The first post I ever read was entitled "and now for the most ridiculous story you'll ever read" and sure enough it was! I read that post at least six or seven times. I was in the throws of my own break up so I kind of connected with her; but mostly it was a case of, "Damn, I thought I had it bad."

Sarah's blog is such an interesting read (yes, I was the freak who went back and read her archives), and not just for the what-the-fuck factor. I mean don't get me wrong there are plenty of those but it is also so well written. You can't help but be engaged. She draws you in and at times you'll read an post and moan in exasperation. At other times you'll just want to give her a hug because even though it's just a blog it's also very much her life.

Have a great weekend. Tell the people you love that you would give them an organ if they needed it. Tell the people that you don't love to bugger off and then go enjoy a snow cone! (Just a suggestion.)

Peace out and as always, within.
Tex

The One Thing I'd REALLY Change

I was chatting with a friend the other day and when she asked, "What is the one thing that you would change about yourself?" I thought for a long while. My weight came up of course, but that is too easy. Would I change my personality and tone down my perkiness? Eh, I am what I am, jazz hands and all. After much consideration I came up with the most honest I think I have given anyone in a very long time. If I could change one thing about myself I would change my snoring.

Here is the deal. I am not That Girl. You know, the girl who when she cries her make up stays in place and it's big, fat tears that you can kiss away. The girl who when she blows her nose is dainty and cute. The girl who when on a road trip if she dozes off in the car she lets out a cute little sigh that is so enduring you just fall in love with her all over again. No, I am so NOT that girl. When I cry, I look like I went three rounds with Tyson at his prime and I am slinging snot like a monkey slings poo at the zoo. And my snore is anything but enduring. My snore is loud, rattling, from my gut type snore. I snore like a drunk lumberjack and it's so embarrassing.

My snoring is the reason I pass on group trips where I have to share a room. Ok, it's not the biggest reason but it's top five. My snoring is THE reason I don't allow grown up sleep overs. Yeah, a friend of mine thought it was because I was a cold hard bitch. Nope it's because I am afraid to fall asleep, start snoring and scare my partner because he thinks Al Qaeda is storming the joint. Yes, party people it is THAT bad.

My snoring is so bad that I wake MYSELF up sometimes! I'm NOT kidding! I have been know to just doze off and wake up when I hear myself snore. Again, so embarrassing and now that Hurricane Ike blew in some crazy cootie last year and I am now an allergy suffer it has only gotten worse.

(sigh)

So there it is. The one thing that I would change about myself. It's not pretty (ask anyone who has heard me) but it's the truth. So tell me, what is the one thing that YOU would change about yourself?

Peace out and as always within (unless you are sleeping with or near me in which case I apologize for keeping you awake).
Tex

Clean House

I was chatting with a friend the other day about my apartment. About how I thought that city living was all about your neighborhood and that if you found the perfect apartment, in the prefect neighborhood live would be a dream. I was very fortunate that I found my perfect apartment in my perfect neighborhood. My friend The Thinking Man's Babe always blogs about how much she loved her neighborhood and her condo. I am finally getting what she talks about.

During the Great Breakup of 2001 I moved into my place. I moved one week before September 11. When my mom came to see it for the first time she asked, "Where is the rest of it?" Yes, it's tiny but it's mine and I love it. My apartment and neighborhood are just so me.

I love my place but I have never really experienced it. In December 2001 I had a friend come stay for close to a year. Then Sporty moved in shortly after they moved out. Now that he is gone it's mine, mine all mine and I am just over the moon happy. Not so much about him. This is because I am creating my space. Everything that is there is because I want it to be there and I am loving that.

I have been pretty unhappy for the last couple of years. I take that back, I wasn't unhappy per se I was just, what is the word? Blech? Eh? Stagnant! I was stagnant and that stagnation manifested itself as a weight issue and my apartment going from a place of refuge to something resembling a a post war eastern European youth hostel. Yeah, it was pretty bad. I knew it was bad but I just wasn't motivated to really do something about it. As my friend Tony puts it, "Tex, you had just given up on life." Ouch. It would hurt more had it not been so true. Fucker.

Thursday night I went to my neighborhood tea house (complete with free wifi) and downloaded some music. I left around midnight and when I got home I got to work. I. Was. On. Fire. I went to war on my living room and when 3:30 came around I was spent. Friday night I did the same and by the time I fell asleep Saturday morning about 6:30 my place had gone from just plain nasty (think Style Networks Clean House) to simply cluttered. I know that doesn't sound like much and you may be thinking, "Damn Tex all that time and effort and still cluttered?" Well, yes. There was some TiVo clearing, beer drinking and a Soul Train line of one that took some of my time but as my friend, Queen Diva says, "It may not be 100% but it's 100% better than it was." Oh, hell yeah!

I am cleaning up my apartment. I am cleaning up my life. My intention, my hope, my prayer is that as I clean one the other will be cleansed also. We'll see.

Peace out Mofo's and as always, within.
Tex

Pondering

Why relationship stuff is not taught in schools?

Why are we not taught how to build and maintain healthy relationships? Not just romantic ones, but with friends, family, co-workers and the public in general.

Many of us are just fumbling through life and our relationships with no clue as to our friends, family co-workers and the public in general really feel. It's so sad. Because we sometimes hurt people without knowing or even worse we sometimes do something super fab and never know.

Sometimes I wonder if I over think this relationship stuff. (Shut up Kim, I know your answer already.) But you can't escape it. We relate on a daily basis to all sorts of people for all sorts of reasons. Wouldn't it be nice to have some kind of cosmic database that tells you this person receives love this way, this person shows loves that way, if you want to make this person feel good do this, if you see this person doing (fill in the blank) run because it is not a good day.

I am trying to be a better friend to my friends. I have even taking to interviewing them because I want to know. Am I being a good friend to you? Is there anything that I could do to be a better friend? Finish this sentence, "I feel that you and I are on the same page when..." or "I really wish you would/wouldn't ..." Wouldn't you want to know?

Anywho, peace out party people and as always...within.
Tex

And So We Begin AGAIN!

It's my blogaversary! Three years ago today I was a broke mopey girl who just needed a place to vent. Today I am a broke mopey girl who is looking forward to life. I had intended this blog to be moved to Wordpress by now but hey...life happens. So lets take a trip down memory lane and see how far (or in some cases not so far) I am on my Journey to Blissville.

Here is my very first post complete with directors commentary!

By all accounts and most standards I have had a crapper of a year. (2009 didn't start much better.)In January, the man whom which I compare all others to had the nerve to die. (I just checked. As much as I would like for this not to be true. He is still very much dead.) I would have had a Florida Evans "DAMN! DAMN! DAMN! type break down but I was too busy being strong for my mom and dealing with other family dramas. I spent two and a half weeks in Central America (Where they kidnap Presidents and take them to picturesque Costa Rica of all places. Viva le revolution!)making sure that my mom would be ok and that she knew how to do all the things that daddy used to do. Pay the cable bill, cut a fresh pineapple, feed the dog and change batteries as needed. I also got hooked on 1:00am Charmed reruns. Those Halliwell girls always look so good while kicking demon ass.

In March, after not taking any time off for myself to regroup after losing my dad, I had a Girl Interrupted moment in my office and swiftly got fired.(Bastards!) I wasn't too upset. I loved the company. I loved my co-workers. I loved my accounts and who doesn't love getting paid to surf porn and travel to sex conventions? Alas, it didn't pay for shit and my boss was a...she was...anyway being fired over the phone isn't the worse thing in the world. (I am now on a career path believe it or not and may have a dream job sooner than I expected. More info on that once I sign an I-9.)

April's showers came in the form of tears. Lots of tears. The long-time-live-in boyfriend and I decided that we were great friends but suck as a couple.(This time there is 73% more suckage.) So we decided to make like Lindsay and Stevie and go our own ways. It was great and we were so very grown up and evolved about the entire process. No angry words (Those came MUCH later). No bad-mouthing to the friends over cocktails and chocolate. (Long story short I had just given up.)We even decided to continue to share the Cracker Jack box of an apartment until we figured out what we wanted to do. (This time we broke up in January and he moved out a few weeks ago.)

Less than 200 days into my new year I had lost my dad, lost my job and lost my man. My life sucked big Moby Dick and it was going no where...fast. June was supposed to be a new beginning and it was for the most part. All the nasty unresolved feelings for The Semi-Ex got hashed out in the mother of all fights and now we get along better than ever. (Last time I thought we could grow apart and get back together. This time I am trying not to blog with great glee about the white boy I fucked at the Hotel Derek "oh yes I did!"and how I am spreading my wings and meeting new people and have really just moved on.) He is still an asshole, but he is an asshole with a heart of gold. I loved him and once I get my shit together I may even be open to falling in love with him. (NOT)The Semi-ex says he feels the same but we'll let his actions speak. (His actions this time around spoke in bang-olufsen. Maybe one day we could become friends again. But for now he is off the live organ donation list.)

While IMing my best friend one day at work (oh yeah, I got another job. I was unemployed for all of seven days.) we both decided that it was time to reinvent ourselves and our lives. I likened it to the movie makeover. You know, where the frumpy girl in overalls and glasses gets all glamed while some peppy song plays in the background, usually Walking On Sunshine or some other 80's song. She called it our Journey To Blissville.

I am at a point in my life where I can only go up. In the next 365 days I plan to turn my life completely around and start living the life my soul intended. It's going to take some work. Hell, it's going to take a lot of work but if I didn't know it before I know it now...I am worth the effort. I wish I could remember the quote from Wit. I think it was ..."For the reward to be meaningful the effort must be great."

I want my life to have meaning. I want to stop dreaming and start living.

I intend to cross of many items of my life's to do list. ( I have one now!)

And so, we begin.

And so we begin AGAIN! At first I was beating myself up for not being as far along in my journey as I would have like to be, but then I thought, "fuck that!" I am where I am. I am who I am. I have superior friends who love me even when I don't love myself much. I have a family who for better or for worse are there for me no questions asked. I have a job that I enjoy and my boss thinks highly of me. I have a roof over my head, food in my belly and my life is in my hands.

I may not be as far as I thought I should be but I am further than I was three short years ago. I still believe that for the reward to be meaningful that the effort must be great. I also believe that it can be great fun!

This is the little blog that could with a little effort, resilience, perseverance, self discipline and the help of AA batteries I think both the blog and I can grow to do great things.

Here is to another year.

Peace out and as always, within.
Tex

High Five Friday: The Ling Edition!

This weekend my friend Ling is celebrating a birthday so in honor of her here are my Friday High Fives: The Ling Edition!

1) Back in February I got tagged in a Facebook note and wrote this "When I think of Ling I think if rainbows and sunshine. She is the only person that I accept all of those stupid FB apps from. I don't give a shit about Lil Green Patches but I love Vera and when I see those things in my e-mail I smile." Still true.

2) There is not a mean bone in Lings body. Not one. Oh, she may try but Ling is to mean as gangsta is to Tex. It's just doesn't work. Ling REALLY is Sunshine and Rainbows, I can't think of a single time that she said something mean to or about someone just for the hell of it. It's just not in her and I love that about her. I used to think that she was "too pure to be pink." Now I know that she is just the personification of goodness. I can learn a thing or two from her.

3) She has a pure heart and is a good friend. Ling was actually a friend of a friend when we met. Last year when our mutual friend decided that she no longer had use for me and cast me aside as if I was a used up condom, Ling stood by my side. She took the, "My relationship with you and separate from my relationship with her and just because she is not talking to you doesn't mean that I can't hang with you" stand. That meant the world to me then and it means even more to me now.

4) She has a wicked sense of humor. Ling is five foot nothing, a hundred pounds soaking wet holding a five pound bag of rice, Indonesian woman. Imagine my surprise when one day to cheer me up she sang Fat Joe's Make It Rain! It was the funniest thing and for the longest time it was her ring tone on my phone. Just thinking about it now gives me giggles.

5) She is crazy talented. Ling is a talented card maker. Her handmade cards are exquisite and you should be so lucky as to get one. (If you have ever gotten a card from me, it was most likely made by Ling." She is also a BRAND NEW BLOGGER so head on over to her blog Ling's Design Studio, the happy place where her cards are made, and wish her a happy birthday! She is all about comments so holla at my girl.

Ling, I don't know how so much love could be packed in such a tiny body. I don't know what I did in a past life that gave me enough Karma Kredits so that in this life we would meet and become friends. Whatever it was I would repeat it a million times in this life if it meant we would meet again in the next.

Happy Birthday my friend and may this next year be filled with all the yummy goodness the Universe has to offer.

Ling, this is for you! Feel free to close your office door, turn your speakers up and sing along with Fat Joe and Lil Wayne.

HIT IT!

Conversations With My Dead Daddy

You may not get the big chuckle that I did but I will share this with you anyway.

My dad was the coolest dad ever. He was very even tempered and I can't tell you how many times during the election last year people who knew him would tell me, "Tex, I was listening to Obama speak and it hit me, he reminds me of YOUR DAD!" My dad was anything but political but he and our prez share the same temperament, height, build and ears. It's crazy spooky. Daddy would get a kick out of it.

Today is Fathers Day and I was thinking of doing this long post about my dad but I know he wouldn't get a kick out of that. In my mind our conversation went something like this.

"Lil, (his nickname for me) what are you doing?"
"Daddy, you know about my blog. I am writing a post about you and what a great daddy you are."
"Lil, I am dead. Save your post for..."
"DADDY! OH MY GAWD! I can't believe you said that!"
"But I am! Why are you getting so upset?"
"Jesus, Daddy. I don't know...'cause I miss you? 'Cause no matter who I date I compare him to you and they just don't make men like you anymore? 'Cause, I don't know... you are like DEAD and I can't crawl on the sofa with you, get in your arms and have you tell me that everything is going to be ok or embarrass you with stories about the cute boys I meet or how I am on the verge of getting the most amazing job ever and how proud of me you'd be. It sucks!"
"Watch your language, Nicole."
"Whatever."
"Yeah, whatever. You happy?"
"I'm getting there."
"Good, life is too short and..."
"I know, I know time waits for no one"
"That's right. Now call your mama and take care of your sister, you are all each other have now."
"Oh my gawd, Daddy you know how they are!"
"Yeah well...be good."
"Daddy, I am always good."
"Yeah right! Peace out, Nicole."
"Holla back, Hector and happy Fathers Day."

And happy Fathers Day to all of you dads out there, especially dads with daughters. You are our first true loves and I was super lucky to hit the daddy lottery with mine.

Tex

High Five Friday

Ok party people, here in no particular order are the five things that made me do a happy dance this week:

1) The Honorable Judge Meanie showed great mercy on my ass and gave me several months to pay my fines and dismissed MANY of my cases.

2) My friend Asian Jamaican sent me a check for $100! It was very unexpected and instead of feeling like a loser I was grateful. What better way to show the universe that I had learned how to put my pride aside. And really how hard is it to just say, "Thank you." I am so over myself.

3) My Friday Night Friends. Those are the girls who sat with me last Friday night. I know they were all tired but they sat with me until we thought Sporty was out of the apartment. We had great conversation and I am blessed to have such great women in my life.

4) Every tear that I cried. If I am crying it means that I am not holding in my feelings and that is a good thing.

5) I am so happy I am doing the Pants Off Dance Off dance at the thought of talking to my skrink today! For real. My Happy Head Person is das bomb and it's been YEARS since I had (or really needed) a session. She is wise and I always feel a million times better after our chats. I know that she will help me silence the voices in my head. Because really none of them bitches are paying rent and yet they are talking up valuable real estate in my head and that shit just ain't right!

Peace out and as always within,
Tex

As Seen On TV

So now that the apartment is all mine I have decided to change the decor from Early Youth Hostel to Super Swanky Bachlorette pad. Phase one entails packing up everything and anything that I haven't used in the past year. A call to the fine people at 1-800-Got Junk and a good Joan Crawford, "I'm not mad at you I am mad at the dirt" scrubbing. I was all ready to scrub when I realized that I didn't have any gloves. (The tiara may be implied but I have spent countless dollars to keep my mits soft.) So off to Walgreens I went.

It was supposed to be in and out. It was supposed to swift. It was supposed to be cheap. Yeah right.

"Oh, ice tea is on sale two for $3!"
"Oh, I think I am out of shampoo. Hmm, if I am out of shampoo I may be out of conditioner."
"Ohhhh preetttty shiny hair things!" (I put them back)
"Damn, I could GO for a can of Pringles and at .99 they are a steal!"
"Scented trash bags or regular? I'm going green so I better get the unscented. Hmm, speaking of green maybe I should put these paper towels back and get some cloth." That's when it happened. On my way to find cloth cleaning towels I passed the As Seen On TV aisle and I was done.

I was looking for a Shamwow. I love those commericals! Those commericals crack me up and the dude who pimps them could sell cookies to a Girl Scout. (Damn, did y'all know he got busted with a hooker who BIT HIM?!) Anyhoo, they didn't have any but let me tell you what they did have: EVERYTHING. I know because I spent about 45 mins chatting it up with some chick about whether or not we think the Mighty Medit could ever replace a good tailor. Maybe not but it may be good at fixing hems. If the Ulitmate Pushup would give us guns worthy of a sexy strapless summer dress? We also talked about how it must not suck to be Mrs. Billy Mays.

On top of everything else that wasn't on my list that ended up in my cart. I got a Smooth Away. I couldn't help myself. I may be dating soon and I want smooth legs! For all interested parties, Smooth Away is a dream. Out the box and with no instruction I was removing hair like a champ. Then I read the instructions and DAMN...even better!

So tell me, am I the only one who loves this type of shit. Does anyone have a Shamwow? What is the nuttiest thing you ever saw on tv and had to have?! Dish people, dish!

I'll tell you all about my first week as a single chica soon. Until then peace out and as always within.
Tex

High Five Friday

Ok, Party People here are the top five things that has the Texter feelin MI-T-FINE this Friday!

1) The Universe is a kind and loving place. Don't believe me? A week a go, I was looking at a very scary garage apartment, worried that I would be living on the corner of Buffalo Speedway and Highway 59 South. On Monday, I spoke to my apartment people and told them that a dear friend graciously offered to write a check so that I can stay. "Oh Tex! That is great! We so didn't want to see you leave!" This chapter will soon be just a memory. I can't remember the last time I felt this good.

2) The IRS are not a bunch of commie bastards. I have written about my IRS issues and I have to say that they are truly a kinder, gentler IRS these days. "Dude, Tom Daschle owed over $128,00 and y'all let him make it. Hell, ROBIN GIVEN owes close to $300 GRAND. I don't have any assets but I don't want you going all Wesley Snipes on me and putting me in Debtors Prison. So uh, can a sistah get on a plan?" Guess what? Done deal! Whoo to the hoo! I won't be working on the chain gang!

3) My Telecommunication Baby Daddy hooked me up with some excellent service. My phone had crapped out...AGAIN, and I wasn't able to make calls out and it kept freezing. Finally got the time to take it to the service center and they hooked me right up, even gave me a memory card to save my ring tones and contacts on. We still breaking up at the end of the month but damn if I won't miss them! So tell me T-Mobile G1 or AT&T iPhone? Discuss!

4) Chase bank is Banking Baby Daddy! I have always been a WAMU girl, but had a Chase account because well, it's Chase and they just seem so grown up and cool. I went in to make a deposit one day and was greeted by what they call Personal Bankers. Mine just happens to be the Macho Nacho of my branch and I heart him more than warm cookies, fresh out the oven, crispy on the outside, soft on the inside. (Damn, I think I just had a moment.)

Anyway, let me tell you about my Banker. He is cool peeps. Not only did he treat me as if I had actual assets with his bank (no really, he treated me as if I was a freaking Trump or something) but he set up my automatic bill pays, so my princess ass won't be sitting in the dark. When I called him today to see if he had time to chat with me about my accounts he said, "Oh, Tex! Of course I do. Anything for my most cheerful client!" Dude, you have to know that he deals with hundreds of people a week. The branch that I go to is in the heart of a busy financial hub, so you know he deals with not just pimps but actual players. I am barely a thousandaire but whenever I go to Chase I get treated like a million bucks. Love. Them.

5) Sing it with me: Don't want to think about it. Don't want to talk about it. I'm just so sick about it. Can't believe it's ending this way. NOT! So today is moving day for old Sporty. By the time I get back from stuffing myself silly with craw fish this evening, he and his big man shoes (that he liked to leave all over the freakin place) will be all moved out. A part of me wants to sing Hall and Oats he's gone...oh I...oh I...I better learn how to face it! He's gone! Oh I...Oh I...I'd pay the devil to replace him! Again NOT! But I am just so damn happy that the Longest Break Up In History will finally be over.

You guys, I think I have been more than gracious, more than grown up and damnit I want a medal for not stabbing him in the neck! (Again, I had a moment.) I wish him well and hope he finally finds his happiness because well, we all deserve some happiness in our lives and I don't wish the hell he is going through right now on the likes of Ann Coulter. For the last SEVENTEEN years I have been thinking we I am over the moon ecstatic to start thinking ME. "May Lemanjá be praised!"

So you y'all know that I am not a comment ho, but this time I really need some input. iPhone or G1. They now cost the same so it's about features and such. Also, if you have ever been through a tough break up what was the first thing you did after the moodiness lifted? Did you go out and get a tattoo? Did you buy a new sports car? Did you run around your place naked singing gangsta rap songs while eating gelatto? Just askin!

Peace out my friends and say a little prayer of thanks that I am finally experiencing some within.
Tex

These Dreams

Last night I had a dream that I was arguing with Boi Toy. It was intense in the fuck you muther fucker kind of way. It was also stupid because he will be the first to tell you, we never argued! So I wake up all pissed off and bitter. I reach for the phone to tell his monkey ass how much I hate him when it dawns on me that I really didn't fight with him and that I may want to slow my roll and check myself. In other words I rolled over and went back to sleep.

So I tell Kimmie about this dream and she asks, "Well, how do you interpret that?"

Well here is what I came up with (sigh) well, I know that I wasn't really mad at Boi Toy. He's cool peeps and fun to hang with he was in my dream because he's an easy target and he was/is an exboyfriend. The truth of the matter is that I am angry. I am angry at The Sports Writer but I am also angry at myself for being in this situation. And the more I think about it I am not so much angry as I am disappointed. Eh, it happens. Move on.

My happy head person moved out of town several years ago. She is going to be in town next week and I get some much needed couch time. Yeah, much needed.

I guess that is it for now. How are you guys doing? As they say in the south, "Tell me what you know good!"
Tex

FAME! I'm Gonna Live Forever..I'm gonna learn how to fly HIIIIGH!

No, I am not drunk, high or crying. I am just geeking out because I have the movie Fame on my TiVo! Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I was all Sir Mopes A Lot a few post ago but FAME is on my TiVo! Rejoice damn it!

I love all things musical. I grew up watching Fiddler on The Roof with my mom and pretending that I was Evita Peron by standing on my bed and singing Don't Cry For Me Argentina. Yes, I was that dramatic even as a child. I got a bit role as a freshman in my high schools production of Fame. People who know me will get a kick out of this little known Tex fun fact: I was cast as the Afrocentric dancer Phenicia. Now you may be asking yourself, "Why would her friends get a kick out of that?" Welll, how can I say this? Hmm, I'll just say it. I am the whitest black girl you will ever meet! Whenever I get all indignant about the plight of the black woman I hear, "But Tex, you ain't black!" Oh wait, it gets better the highlight of my bit role was to soulfully sing the song Red Light. It plays while Shirley and Leroy are auditioning. Oh, bless my poor directors heart. She tried her hardest to get me to tap into my inner Chaka Khan, but alas it wasn't meant to be.

When I am back in the black (pun was so intended) I am going to get a mic for my mac and sing y'all my pitiful version of the song. Until then enjoy Linda Clifford belting it out at a Pride event in 2007. In my wildest, wettest, dreams (and I think we all know that I am a creative sort) I could never belt out a song like that. But for six short shows in 1986, Molly Vernon tried her hardest to bring out the soul sistah in me.

Peace out party people,
Tex

Clear Horizon

"Oh my GAWD! Tex I am so excited for you!"

"Oh yeah, why?"

"Now that you are finally done with Writer Boy you are finally making space for some super good shit to come into your life!"

"Yeah, I am pretty excited. I am open to possibilities. I feel good. I think I will be more than fine. I feel like that cheesy Celine Dion song."

"All of her songs are cheesy. Tex, you are about to live your most amazing life. You can't see it because you are still living in fear. But just trust yourself, take a step off of the cliff and the bridge will appear. Oh good lord, now I sound like one of those cheesy,Polish jazz singer, songs that you like."

"Basia?"

"I guess, I don't know I just remember you singing some song about trust and flying..."

"Trust yourself, your an angel you can fly? It's from the song Clear Horizon. Is that what you are talking about?"

"YES! You should put that on your blog and make sure I get credit!"

Laughing, "Ok, I will see if I can find it. Post it and make sure you gets your props."

"Whoo hoo! A mention on your blog!"

"Settle done, I am no Dooce."

"But you will be!"

Tammy, I searched the interwebs and I this was the only video I could find. Thank you for reminding me of this song. Here are the lyrics so if you are feeling extra cheesy you can sing along with the video.

Oh and Welcome to the newest citizen of Blissville, MissM!




look around - it's almost summer
yet there's winter in her heart
you could never love another
still, can your fire melt her ice...
can your fire melt her ice

seasons change, you cry in silence
for the love you cannot live without
you've done your best, you tried your hardest
the time has come, be strong, give it up

all you need is a clear horizon,
a clear horizon
all we wish is everyday,
hope and pray,
for all of us
a clear and quiet sky

the darkest night is slowly fading
and the sun willl come out to blind your eyes
could it be a new beginning?
trust yourself - you're an angel, you can fly
trust yourself - you're an angel, you can

all we need is a clear horizon...

Spanks A Million

So the question I have gotten the most in the past few days has been, “Why didn’t you say something?” Followed closely by, “Why didn’t you tell me?” The short answer is, “I was horribly embarrassed.” I mean really, what was I supposed to say? “Oh hey, by the way my ex stopped paying rent after he assured me that everything was taken care of and that I’d be fine. Yeah, it’s shitty but remember when I was doing a happy dance because my savings account balance finally had four digits, not including the two zeros? Yeah that’s gone too. Yep, lost my man AND my money. Want to come with me when I get the “L” tattooed on my forehead?” Dude, that is so not proper dinner conversation.

You choose the action. You choose the consequence. I chose to break up with Sporty. I also choose to allow him to live with me after the break up. It was my responsibility to make sure that I was taken care of, not his. This was my mess to clean up.

I also didn’t want to become That Girl. You know, the What The Fuck Girl. “Have you heard about Tex? (Insert madness that is my life)” And the reply would be “What the fuck?!” Therefore becoming not only the broke but dumb bitch. Now I know that my friends wouldn’t think that, but my internal dialogue was very loud and persistent. Finally, I didn’t want to be the girl who ALWAYS had something fucked up going on in her life. You know that girl, she is Eeyore with long wear lipstick. Every time you ask her what is up, she tells you about how her boyfriend beat her down at the Whole Foods or how her boss keeps hitting on her and she would consider dating him but she don’t date men with facial hair and then her dog is going to have to be put down because it has scurvy but refuses to eat Clementine’s. No. One. Likes. That. Girl.

In my mind I was taking 100% responsibility for my life. That is what grown ups do right? But having a very long talk with myself I realize that my view was very narrow. When I did finally open up to my most trusted the response was more than amazing. I was comforted and showered with compassion. Where I was beating myself up, I was reminded, “he betrayed your trust.” When the voices in my head were shouting at me to keep quiet and shut up because no one would care and that it was all my fault in the first place, a soft voice of a friend reminded me that I give so much to so many that it’s perfectly acceptable to reciprocate. My very fiery aunt said it best, “Texlita, mija. How am I supposed to now that need to light a candle or say a novena for you if you don’t tell me when something is wrong!” I couldn’t help but giggle when she told me that she was going to have a chat with St Jude on my behalf. You can’t argue with that.

I want to thank everyone who offered to help either by writing a check or by body checking the ex. (Violence is never the answer but I appreciate the sentiment.) You have no idea what all of this supports means to me. I also want to apologize for not trusting in our friendship and coming to you sooner. Please know that this is a huge lesson learned and that I will try to be better in the future.

I guess that is it for now. I am in a good place and will be in an even better place once all of this is behind me. I think the next few weeks will be touch and go but I know that I am not alone and I look forward to where life leads me.

I love and appreciate you all more than words can say.

Peace out and as always within,
Tex

Free Fallin

So every now and then someone bust out with such a fresh take that the only reply I can muster up is, "Damn."

Friday was a challenging yet enlightening day for me. It started off with a phone call from Boi Toy that went something like this. "Oh, so I am off your Pay No Mind list?"

"What you talking about?"
"I didn't expect to hear from you until February."
"Tex, I am not going to let that happen again."

We talked for over an hour. We NEVER talk for that long. Our conversations usually along the lines of this. "What's the room number?"
"You roll the blunt?"
"Yeah, see you in 15."

So to actually talk to him was a pleasant surprise. I happen to mention something about the break up and when he asked if I was ok. He really wanted to know about my well being. Again, pleasant surprise.

Spoke to my apartment manager. I told her that I was giving up and that we could proceed with eviction. She knew that the last thing I wanted was to give up my apartment but between Sporty's monetary shenanigans and the corporate office of the company that I work for deciding to all of a sudden to stop paying commissions my carefully drafted, and much loved mind you, budget has been blown.

It's 2:00 in the afternoon. I am drunk, crying and upset. I get a text from a friend who offers to help. I say, "I just need you to sit and listen to me cry and whine." That's all I needed. She offers money and I say no because this is my mess to clean up. I got myself into it, I'll get myself out of it. It is not my friends responsibility to take care of me. Not to mention the whole money and friend thing.

I sober up. I go to work and put on my happy face, complete with lip gloss and lashes. We had this huge event and a longtime student/friend asked me how I was doing. I told her I was fine. I even added jazz hands but she looked straight into my eyes and asked, "No really, how are you doing?" I tell her and she says, "How can I help?" I tell her that he listening was good and as I turn to walk away she takes my hand and says, "Tex, you don't need this kind of stress right now. I would much rather write you a check and it be no big deal than to worry about your well being." Awww, how sweet is that? But HERE is the fresh take of the day, "Tex, you know asking your friends for help is a compliment. Most people would be honored to know that you trust them enough to ask for help. I know that if I called you at two in the morning, stranded on the highway you would come get me, no questions asked. You are here for everyone else, let us be here for you." That is where the damn came in because really...what do you say to that?! I told her that I would think about it and let her know.

I have a hard time asking for help. A friend recently commented that by the time I tell them that I am in crisis I have already worked it out and telling them is the final step in my plan, my ok, it's done, lets exhale and discuss. I like the idea of asking for help as a compliment. I think it's a HUGE compliment that people are willing to spring into action to help me. Fo shizzle.

On my way home from work I was on the phone with yet another friend who put it like this, "Tex, you love that apartment more than you ever loved Sporty! You have people who are willing to help you LET THEM! You know how to give, the lesson you have to learn now is how to receive. Now text me your address so I can send you a Visa gift card! You can't be a princess if you are homeless!" Good point.

So remember my Top 40. Remember how I asked, "Am I willing to go further and further out of my comfort zone?" Me asking and accepting my friends help is a HUGE step out of my comfort zone. It's more like a free fall than a step but if I have said it once I have said it a million times, "I am so blessed to have the most amazing people in my life." They are willing to help, it's time I put my pride aside and let them. Yet another lesson learned.

This growth shit is a bitch!
Tex

High Five Friday

In no particular order here are five things that I am grateful for this week:

1)Susan from Random Moments. Susan, I don't know if it's PMS or what but your comments touched me. You are right there is a difference between empathy and sympathy and I am learning how to maneuver between the two.

2) Wednesday Night Live at church. It felt good to be back in church, even if I was the snarky bitch in the back and almost busted out the Cabbage Patch during a particularly peppy song. Dude, don't be jazzin' up church songs if you don't want a sistah to do the Running Man. I'm just sayin.

3) Mary Chapin-Carpenter has a song called Passionate Kisses. In it she sings, "Is it too much to demand I want a full house and a rock and roll band. Pens that don't run out of ink and cool quiet and time to think..." This week I had cool quiet and time to think. I am a firm believer that most adults shouldn't be left unattended in their heads but this week I got some good thinking done. I feel good and I am pressing on.

4) Shrinks. Y'all I am not even going to lie as much as I like to think I know what the fuck I am doing, I need a Happy Head Person like most people need a good dry cleaner. The break up. The job. The friends. The budget. The apartment. The break job. The blow jobs. The whatever. It's getting to be more than I can handle on my own and since I promised loved ones that I wouldn't attempt another bootleg detox I will suck up the cash and talk it out with someone who is trained to deal with my special kind of crazy. I am assuming that jazz hands will be included.

5) Asian Jamaican. Out of the blue I popped into her head and she sent me a lovely e-mail. I replied, "STOP IT! You are going to make me cry!" I should I have just said, "Thank you for your kind thoughts." Memo to Self: Add Learn to take a compliment to the Top 40 list.

And here is a bonus thing: Mac In The Heights. The bloody "K" on my laptop is being a bitch and popped off. Angela at Mac In The Heights talked me down from the ledge and even offered not to charge me labor on the repair if it's as simple as we both think it is. HOW COOL IS THAT? Pre-Global Warming ARCTIC CAP COOL I say!

So it's da weekend, what the heck are you grateful for?
Holla at your girl,
Tex

I have been to church three times in the last two weeks. I know, I know! Crazy huh?

I am pretty sure that I mentioned this before but I was raised Catholic and even went to a private Catholic school for many years. I have not been a practicing Catholic since I left home but if I am ever dragged to mass with my mom I am genuflecting with the best of them!

The Sports Writer on the other hand goes to church every Sunday and even teaches Sunday school. I know, I know! He teaches Sunday school and every other word out of my mouth is fuck. Go figure how we lasted as lo0ng as we did. Anyway, his car is in the shop and I know how important church is to him so I offered to drive him. It wasn't bad. I hadn't been to church since the hurricane last year and it had been a little over two years before that. Needless to say I felt like Al Pacino in Devil's Advocate. Whatever. Jesus, loves me this I know...for the bible tells me so. (See I even remember the songs, boo ya!) While we were at church I noticed that a speaker that I really like was visiting this week so I told my friend Queen Diva about it and suggested that we go together.

We went last night and it was amazing. It felt good to reconnect to that part of my self and it felt really good to actively work on something from my Top 40 list. (Create a daily spiritual practice)

I am in a good place. I realize that I don't always allow myself to enjoy this place but just like I committed to other things. I am equally committed to my happiness. Ok that was sappy and lame.

Holla,
Tex

Calling it in

So I made a commitment to myself to blog daily this month. Here is my tiny installment for today.

I realized today that I have a problem. A few weeks ago I felt I was in the eye of a shit storm. I was doing really well but the people closest to me were not. They were all having major issues. I felt bad for them but felt even worse when something good happened to me because when it did I felt I was rubbing it in their face if I was chipper.

Then it happened. I got caught up in the shit storm. Things in my life started going to shit. I am not to proud to tell you that it sucked big Moby Dick.

Today I was on my way to work and I decided that no matter what I was going to press on. I was going to bask in my yummy goodness and if the people around me had issues, well they were going to have to have issues. It's not my job to make the world feel better. I can feel for you without taking on your burden. I don't have to make my life shitty just we'd have something to talk about. Guess what happened after I had that talk with myself? Yep, good stuff started to happen. Really good stuff.

So lesson learned.

Peace out and today I am experiencing some within.
Tex

I lost a friend.

I am disappointed but I am ok.

She wasn't a close friend or anything but it still hurts, you know. I guess what through me for a loop was the way it was handled.

Last year my friend or rather ex friend now, Debbie, just stopped talking to me. I'll post more about that soon because that was a huge life lesson. But this chick broke up with me! No, I am not kidding. We were casual friends at best but she took the time to give me the, "Look we're different people than we were when we first met...we have gown apart...lets not pretend we are something that we are not" speech.

"Uh ok. Thanks?" I mean what was I supposed to say? On the one hand I was glad that she and I finally talked and I really liked that she didn't b.s. me but damn. Couldn't she just continue not returning my phone calls and pretending that she sent me the e-vites to her super cool parties?! lol

I am making light but this really threw me. I mean, I know that I am not the best friend going. I am not good in crisis, I am selfish and believe that we are all on our own path so if you ask me what you should do about your awful husband, your bad kid or crummy job I will most likely say, "I don't know. What do YOU think?"

Oh well, one less birthday to remember.

Lil Gyrl Blue Painting The World In Shades Of Red

Today is June first and you would have thought it was my birthday I was so freakin happy!

Half a year is behind me and instead of thinking, "Damn, where did the year go? I haven't accomplished a damn thing. I suck big Moby Dick. I must flog myself like homie on Da Vinci code! Ouch." Instead, I look back and think, "Damn, girl you made it through a pretty sucktastic six months. Good for you!"

I looked up and noticed that I am surrounded by love, light and good will. I have people around me that are doing good things in the world. People like Andrea, LilGrylBlue, who and this is from her blog, she is "...on a mission to Donate/Give $2000 to Mary Kay’s Charitable Foundation to help end Domestic Violence and do much needed research for cancers that primarily affect women and end their lives. In addition to the $2000 donation/gift, one thousand women will receive the gift of a smile in the form of a lipstick.

I’m getting one thousand people to sponsor a woman in a Domestic Violence Shelter. Each sponsor will pay $29.00 (includes tax) and select their choice of either Gingerbread or Pink Passion lipstick (these are the shades that the company has decided to take the proceeds from); 1 for themselves and 1 for the recipient. Anyone that does not wear lipstick (ie men) but still wants to support the cause, can, by accepting and either giving their choice away or gifting both selections to women at the shelter. The lipstick in Gingerbread or Pink Passion will be given to the recipients, in a Domestic Violence Shelter, along with a personalized card from each donor. When I reach my goal of 1000 sponsors, I will have donated a total of $2000 dollars to the Charitable Foundation and provided one thousand women with a gesture of Beauty That Counts. Imagine the impact of such a small gesture from a stranger this will have on so many women. Is there any reason why you couldn’t help me?"

I can't think of any reason NOT to help, so head on over to her site, do some good for a woman in need and show Andrea, some love.

I'm outtie, but I am on a mission myself to write for an hour each day. The good news? More post...the even better news? Better written post! (Or should I have said more well written post?) LOL

This week look for: My Adventures In Housesitting (or why I need DETAILED instructions), Why Vera Is Like Monaco and Can A Sistah Get A Cell Phone That Works?

Until then, peace out and as always within.

Tex

DONT FORGET ANDREA'S SITE!

Blissville Top 40

I am in transition. I pull out my brand spanking new Mac Book (thank you Joy) and then draw a blank. No, I take that back, it's not that I draw a blank it's that I am in transition and even though I know only good will come of this situation (thank you Andrea) it still sucks big Moby Dick. Ok, I take that back too because honestly, it's really doesn't suck to be me these days (thank you Houston City Personel for the $100 referal check) it's just that I am in transition and don't know whats coming around the bend and the control freak in me is freaking out because well, (say it with me) I am in transistion! So I got to thinking. When I started this blog a million post ago, I was in transition then too. However instead of being chock full of angst I blogged it out!

I am going to turn 40 soon and thought it was time to sit, be thoughtful and create my Lifes To Do List. Some people call it a bucket list after the movie but you get the gist. It took me to days but I think I came up with a pretty good list. I was going to post it but then I got cold feet. I don't know why but all of a sudden I was worried. I wasn't hiding behind jazz hands or my vibrator (thank you Doc Johnson).

Monday night I was looking for something online and thought I saw it on Natasha's blog, Becomingsomething. I hadn't been there in a while (remember, I am in transition) and was greeted with a blog post titled Coming Out Of The Closet---Yes, Exactly The Way You Are Thinking. Uh, wow. Not only is she an amazing writer and just all around awesome human being. To share her truth so openingly and without pause made me think, "Damn, Tex. Stop being a Teleboobie and post your stupid list already! Natasha? Now she had reason to give pause and she posted her truth. Step into your inner Natasha and post!"

So here it is party people, my Top 40.

Mind
1. Read the books on my shelves and on my lengthy reading list
2. Do a puzzle a day to keep my brain sharp (get a DSi)
3. Learn to quiet my mind and meditate
4. Learn a new language
Body
1. Get to my goal weight without going under the knife, popping pills or needing a full body lift afterwards.
2. Be part of a relay triathlon team
3. Two words: Pencil Skirt. Two more words: Kitten heels (insert kitty purr)
4. Learn to love working out or at least find a work out that I enjoy & want to stick with.
Soul
1. Learn to be my own magnetic North
2. Live my life knowing that I am a child of The Universe no less than the stars and the trees…
3. Create a daily spiritual practice
4. Go on a spiritual retreat (Lets do this yearly. A different one every year!)
Career
1. Become a popular and successful life coach.
2. Make Blissville a popular and profitable website.
3. Win a Webby
4. Create a popular show on Blog Talk Radio.
Money
1. Have a 750+ credit score
2. Have 6+ months of living expenses in the bank
3. Amex Red Card
4. Give 10% of my annual income to worthy causes (thank you Babs Miller)
Travel
1. Surf Camp in Costa Rica
2. Drive cross country/ see all 50 states
3. Have my own Summer Lovers, summer in Greece
4. One word: Bali
Love
1. Love fearlessly! Full out! Like I have never been hurt! (Or at the very least be open to the possibility of it)
2. Be fully present in all of my relationships
3. Allow myself to receive love
4. Believe that I am worthy of the great love that I desire
Family
1. Be fully present in my relationships with my family
2. Forgive
3. Get family stories on film (stills, digital or otherwise)
4. Learn more about my family history
Values
1. Decide how I feel about marriage. Do I want to be married? Do I need a ring and wedding? Could I be happy in a long-term committed relationship? What does marriage mean to me?
2. Decide how I feel about children? Do I want a family? If I met the right man would I be willing to give birth to his child? Do I still want to adopt? Could I be happy as a foster mom? Do I have what it takes to be a good mom?
3. Do I believe I can have it all? If I had to choose between my career and a happy, committed relationship, which would, I choose? Do I believe that balance can be achieved?
4. Do I have what it takes to be as happy as I think I want to be? Am I willing to do the work to achieve all that I desire? Am I willing to loose friends? Am I willing to go further and further out of my comfort zone?

I know, I know there is nothing on my list that isn't on a million other bloggers list, but still it's mine and I dig it. I have been letting my friends add to a bigger list of things for me to do in general so feel free to add something in the comments. So far friends have suggested, create a signature drink, visit Puru, do Race With The Planet and a host of other cool stuff that I will post later.

Well, I guess that is it. Go over to Natasha's blog and send her some love.

Until then, peace out and as always within!
Tex

Talking it out

Friday night I had the rare opportunity to sit and chat with a friend. I take that back, we didn't chat we had a lovely conversation about life and love, friendship and cookies. As we were wrapping up I told her what a lovely time I had because I don't get many opportunities to have conversations like that. My exact words were, "It was nice to have a conversation with meaning. I talk a lot but I never feel as if what I say has any meaning."



I spoke too soon.



Later that night I got a text from a friend who is in a bad situation. We spoke via text but it was a weighty situation that called not for jazz hands and vodka shot. This needed thoughtful words and a willing ear.



I got a call from a friend I hadn't spoken to in a while. When I saw their number on the caller ID I smirked. "What. I'm off your Pay No Mind List?" is how I answered the call. What I heard on the other line was despair. I felt like an ass. The call ended with, "I was looking for the gun when you popped into my head. Thank you for answering. I know you screen." Dude, how do you respond to that?



At work and had two more conversations that ended with, "Wow, thanks. I always feel so much better after talking with you."



Needless to say I was stressed this weekend. I had to bail out of Robin Thicke because I knew I would be too worried and constantly checking my phone and checking in on my friends. This party people is why I don't have children but that is another post.



Anyhoo the weekend ended with a , "Thanks. I know I don't tell you nearly as much as I should have but you are a really fantastic person and like you like to say, 'God was in a very good mood when he put you on my path.' I'd do jazz hands but I don't really know what those are."

Be kind to yourself and to others,
Tex

BEST TUESDAY EVER

So yesterday was one of those days that just kept getting better.

First there was lunch with an old friend. She suggested that we go to a place that just opened up by her and I am glad that I didn't insist that she come into town because The Big Mamou was das bomb! Oysters so fresh that even after frying were still silky smooth. It was yum to the oh and the catching up with The Artist is always fresh. Look for her painting online soon. And do yourself a favor and buy one!

Next I went to work and nothing went awry. Computers worked. Teachers were cool. Students were cool. All was good in my work world.

Ok, so here is when it really gets good...I MET NEW YORK TIMES BEST SELLING MEMOIRIST JEN LANCASTER! (insert wild jazz hands, a step kick and a ball change.) Yes, party people I totally geeked out at a book signing.

Quick side note: Ok so I have had this on my calendar for about two months and was excited to no end. There were I think close to 150 people there and guess what I WAS THE ONLY BLACK CHICK. Wasn't the only fat chick 'cause you know we are some grain fed bitches here in Texas but damn, the only sistah?

Anyhoo, Jen (yes, we are that cool that I can call her Jen) read from her new book Pretty In Plaid (available on Amazon.com, your local bookstore and for those who are hit hard by the recession go to your local library.) She not only read but took questions from fans.

I think Eminem summed how I feel about fan question and answers in the opening lines of Loose Yourself:Look, if you had, one shot, or one opportunity To seize everything you ever wanted-One moment Would you capture it, or just let it slip? In other words don't ask bullshit questions and do your bloody homework!

Most people asked run of the mill questions. How long does it take to write your books? Is there a movie in the works? How does your husband and dogs get along when you are gone? Do you still have the Prada that to carried to the unemployment office? All good questions but boooring. Then someone asked, "What's the worst movie you ever saw?" The fuck? Are you kidding me? It was just so random. You maybe get one question asked if you are lucky and you are going to waste it on, "What is the worst movie you ever saw?" to a person who is getting her book optioned and very well may have to work with the grip, the director or the craft services guy from the worse movie she ever saw. Way to go Mensa.

Jen had mentioned that she can't even open her first book Bitter Is The New Black because even though she is well past that dark time, it sucked big Moby Dick and really who wants to revisit that? Who can blame her, but it made me wonder, "From your Bitter Is The New Black days to your success now, what has been the biggest surprise?" She said, "Wow, what a great question. No one has ever asked me that." BOO-YA! Don't ask me what she said after that because I was too busy Twittering how fabulous I was.

But wait...there's more! Afterwards there was a book signing. I ran into a woman who works out where I work. She was debating whether to stay and get her book sign or jet. I told her I'd go find out how long Jen was going to be signing books when she says, "Great, do that and I'll buy you her book!" She not only buys me the book, she offers to buy me dinner when I tell her that I will stand in line to get her book signed too!

For those of you scoring at home that is one free lunch, a good day at work, a verbal high five from my favorite writer, a free hardcover book for my favorite writer to sign and a free coffee from the man who had a coupon and said, "You look like you could use a free latte" and free dinner! What can make this day better?

The Real Housewives of New York City Reunion show! OH MY GAWD did you guys see that? I was yelling, "Oh no she did'NT! Kelly! STOP BEING MEAN!" when Kelly made Bethany cry. That was just mean and where I come from (the mean streets of suburbia) that shit would get a bitch cut. At the very least she would shunned like an Amish kid caught with porn. I'm just sayin.

Monday night, I cried myself to sleep with tears of frustration. I cried myself to sleep last night too, but those were tears of gratitude.

Whoo to the muther fuckin hoo,

Tex

Feel Good Friday

Here is what I am feelin good about this Friday.

My life. There are a few rough patches but for the most part, I am feelin pretty good these days. I have people in my life that for better or for worse love them some Tex and that feels good.

So this Friday, feel good about your life.

Party on,
Tex

Lets Lighten The Mood Shall We!?

So as you can see on the left hand side of this page I am on Twitter. I have a love/hate relationship with Twitter. On the one hand I love the idea behind it. I think it takes great skill to sum up what you are doing/feeling/thinking in 140 characters. On the other hand it bugs the fuck out of me that some people either can't or won't keep their Tweets to 140 characters.



Really. If you feel that what you have to say is so important or that you are so important that you don't have to follow the 140 character rule create a blog post. Oh and the people who Tweet back to back to back to back oh my freakin gawd! Really? Again, go blog about it and then tweet to direct us to your blog. There are a few Tweeters that I love but I am going to save that for Feel Good Friday!



So this is why I love Twitter. Check out a conversation between King Bitch, Joy and myself.



TexInTheCity Quote of the day: Men don't marry vaginas they marry virtue. Vaginas are fun to play with...but vaginas don't talk. (Dr Pat Allen)



breiter3@TexInTheCity Bear with me... but what if Vaginas don't interest men... and they still choose to Marry??? Take that Dr Pat Allen....



TexInTheCity@breiter3 then you're lucky! Vaginas are nothing but trouble. Trust me, as the proud owner of one I know what I speak of lol!



joyv@TexInTheCity @breiter3 really... can u guys stop talking about vaginas.. i'm trying to sleep



breiter3@TexInTheCity @joy so coming from women... I'm getting that vaginas are both nothing but trouble and bad for sleep. I guess that makes sense



TexInTheCity@breiter3 @joyv my vagina and I are heading to bed. She's a little pissy and needs her rest (pun intended lol)



Ok I don't know about you but that cracked me up! Oh you want to know what else cracked me up? This conversation I had with my neighbor.



"Hey Tex! How you doing?"

"Fanfreakintastic!"

"Yeah I can tell."

"Uh, really? How?" (Yes, I was just a tad freaked out)

"Well, when you are sad you listen to Mary Chapin-Carpenter over and over and over and over." I was looking horrified by this point. "No! It's not bad or anything. I even like the the cd. I just noticed that you are not your perky self and I hear the cd more when you aren't perky. But I have been hearing new music so I take it you are feeling better?"

"Yeah, I am thanks. And I promise no more Sad Girl play list!"

Is that not some whackiness?!

Anywhoo, thanks for all of the lovely comments and e-mails. I am feeling pretty good. Friend took me out Tuesday night to listen to me vent and cry. Another girlfriend called just to make me laugh. (Deep sigh) Yes, party people, I am going to be just fine.

Peace out,
Tex

One Small Step Towards Blissville, One Giant Step For Texkind

I have been having the same reoccurring dream for the past three to four weeks. In the dream I have to use the bathroom. Once I was at a Target (one of my happy places) one time I was in a mall (a decidedly unhappy place) another time I was on a road trip. Each time in my dream, I had to go real bad but every freakin stall I try is dirty, filthy, nasty. I wake up with that What The Fuck feeling and can't get back to sleep. I don't know if I have ever mentioned this but the princess in me needs eight hours. Lack of sleep does not bode well in Blissville.

I had the dream again Monday night. When I woke up Tuesday morning (at sun not even up thirty) I decided that it was time to decipher what the hell was going on in my subconscious and just deal. It was way to early for me to actually think so instead I consulted The Google's, specifically dreammoods.com.

To dream that you are in the bathroom, relates to your instinctual urges. You may be experiencing some burdens/feelings and need to "relieve yourself". (Ya think?) Alternatively, it may symbolize purification and self-renewal. You need to cleanse yourself, both emotionally and psychologically. (Holi Hooti & The Blowfish I was just thinking about that Saturday)

To dream that you are in a public restroom with no stalls, signifies your frustrations about getting enough privacy. It may also indicate that you are having difficulties letting go of old emotions. (Hello, I am living with my Ex!) If you reveal these feelings, you are afraid that others around you will judge and criticize you. (I feel they judge and criticize now, exactly why would I share these particular feelings?)

There is a very thin line between compassion and codependency. I don't want to be the latter. I didn't have the heart to kick him out but he was the one who wanted out of the relationship, he was the one who broke up with me, he is the one who should be trying to make nice nice with me and since my name is on the lease and he moved in with me...he is the one who will be leaving by the end of the month.

Every time I go to the bathroom and the door is blocked by his big man shoes I get filled with a rage. If my niceness is causing me sleepless nights and unprincess like rage. It's time to move on and in his case move out.

I love him like the child of God that he is, I don't think he's the head of a terrorist cell and he is a brilliant writer. But you know what, I love me more and I needs my sleep.

Peace out and if you are lucky...within.

Tex

Viva La Vie Boheme!

Friday night I had the pleasure of accompanying my friend Joy and The Worlds Cutest Gay Couple to the theatre to see Rent.

I had never seen Rent but I have heard lots about it. I remembered when it debuted on Broadway that there was a lot of buzz around not just the show but the tragic loss of the shows creator. I remember thinking when the movie came out in 2005 that maybe it wasn't as topical but I don't poo poo dreams so what the hell do I care.

Well, it turns out that Rent is one of Joy's favorite musicals. She loves, loves, LOVE it and for as long as I have know her has said, "If it ever comes to town, I am going to take you. You have to see it! You will love it!" Joy knows me pretty well so if she thinks I'd love something nine times out of ten I will.

I don't remember when...it was a Monday holiday a few years back. It was humid and rainy and I almost got into an accident on my way to Joy's place. I was not really in the best mood and while the party was winding down I went inside to watch television and just so happened to come across Rent. I watched the movie and hated it. It made me mad and my inner conservative came out BIG TIME.

"What the hell is wrong with these people?! Why don't they just get jobs and pay their rent like the rest of have to?! They are fuckin SQUATTERS! I'd kick them out too! Oh and I don't feel sorry for them because they are dying either. STOP USING DRUGS AND PRACTICE SAFE SEX ALREADY! Why is this so hard? How did they make a musical about poor people who make poor choices? Why would they make a musical about poor people who make poor choices. This sucks! For real. I don't get it. Grow the fuck up. Get a job. Stop doing drugs. Use a damn condom. Pay your bills." (Oh. Yes. I. Did. LOL! Oh yeah, I'm not even a compassionate conservative. Mention Rent to me and I want to be the creamy filling of a Glen Beck/Sean Hannity Great American Sandwich! I know that is a lovely visual isn't it?)

Joy told me that of course the live show was better and not to judge the show by the movie. It was too late. I had tossed out the no poo pooing of dreams mantra aside and decided to smile and nod whenever anyone spoke of the squatting drug doing no goodniks. Fast forward to two weeks ago when Joy asked me if I wanted to see the live show. "Hell yeah! I'll even dress pretty and be your bitch!" (Crass I know...but whatever.)

She was right. I loved it. To quote Comicbook Man from the Simpsons, "Best. Show. Ever." We saw the national touring company with three of the original members of the cast. Snarky Tex was thinking, "Uh, aren't they a little old to be playing starving twentysomething?" Uh, Anthony Rapp was amazing. Adam Pascal could very well be one of my Broadway baby daddies. The chick who had the solo in Seasons of Love? Well, lets just say that after hearing her I don't even want to sing in the shower. Her voice is pitch perfect. I would sell my spleen on e-bay to sing like that. For real.

It's not every often that in your adult life that you hear, "You were right." I have to admit, I was soo wrong to poo poo Rent and get all Hannity about the storyline.

The show is touring through the summer and if you have a chance to see it, go! You will not be disappointed.

So, any of you musical fans? Seen Rent? Did you like it? If you are a fan of the musical, what is your favorite?

Discuss!
Tex

Operation: Damn Girl! How You Get So Fine? Update

I wanted cake. Instead I ate a luscious bowl of pineapple, strawberries, blueberries and mango! Topped with just a bit of Kifer. It was yum to the oh. All of the flavor and none of the guilt. I am quite proud of myself.

Feel free to give me love,

Tex

Of Saints & Seals

One of the greatest compliments that I have ever received came from a woman named CoCo. She is a teacher/trainer at the company that I work for and one day we were sitting around the lobby and she told me that I have good energy. She said, "Haven't you ever noticed that people always want to be near you? That you just entering the room lifts the mood? You are like our own personal Amma!" At the time I had just seen a news story on Amma and thought that it was pretty cool that someone that I thought was pretty cool saw me in such great light.



Friday I had the opportunity to get a special individual blessing from Amma herself. She was in town as part of her world tour and I went to go see her. Amma is like a spiritual rock star. Whenever she has a program thousands of people show up. I didn't think too many people in H-Town would even know who she was but I found out after I waited over three hours to spend maybe 120 seconds with her. Was it worth it? Hell to the yes! It was AWESOME! Everyone was there was in awe of her and this tiny woman new how to work a room. It was like chillin with the Pope but with Indian chants going on in the background.



I have to admit that I had to pause for a moment. Coco said that I was like Amma and I was experiencing Amma herself thinking, "Holi shit this is soo fuckin cool! Can I really be as awesome as Amma? Is that really what Coco sees in me? Awwwwesome!"


Quick sidebar: There is a very thin line between confidence and conceit. I don't ever want to become one of those people who starts believing their own press & get a huge ego and matching head. But I think it's ok if people I think are cool think I am cool too. This sounds like something I need to chat about with my Happy Head Person. Moving on...

Last week a friend of mine called and offered concert tickets. His company had a block of tickets and he told me they would be at Will Call, first come, first served.

I was on my way to the venue when I got a text that all the tickets were gone. No worries I would just buy a ticket. Uh not so much, by the time I got there the box office had already closed. I missed it by FIVE MINUTES! I was crushed. I almost cried. Instead I called my ride to pick me up.

As I was waiting someone came out with an extra ticket and called me over. When I asked how much she said,"Honey, he's already on stage. Just come on in." (ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THANK YOU UNIVERSE FOR YOU TRULY ARE A KIND AND LOVING PLACE!)

So I get in the venue and they have a usher show me my seat. I thought for sure nose bleeds but I was on the floor. I walk with the usher through the back section. Past the middle section where I saw where I would have sat had I gotten there on time. We walk and walk and walk some more until we are at the first full row of seats. The usher smiles and tells me I am dead center, shakes my hand and points me down the aisle.

I climb over 14 people, get to my seat and when I look up there he is...in all of his most sexy glory...my pop/rock/soul fusion baby daddy...SEAL! I looked up and nearly cried because I was so close to him that I could see the beads of sweat forming on his "oh dear God please let me lick it just ONCE" bald head. I got a few "Who the hell is she" looks but for the most part people in my section were cool.

The show? AWWWESOME! His voice is phenomenal and when he moves...I think the lady sitting next to me said it best,"Just watching him dance make me want to have sex with him!" During one song I closed my eyes to enjoy the moment and was jolted back to reality by people poking me saying, "HE'S SINGING TO YOU!" Y'all know what happened right? I told myself "Do. Not. Faint. DO. NOT. BE. THE GIRL WHO FAINTS AT SEAL!"

Little fun fact about me and my pop/rock/soul fusion baby daddy. while he was singing Kiss From A Rose he looked at ME and sang "You are my POWER, MY PLEASURE, MY PAIN!" Oh yes he did! Ever seen a black girl blush? You would have had you been at the Verizion theater Saturday night.

Sometime during his first set the front of the stage became a huge mosh pit of middle aged women. Whenever he touched any one of us eyes widen, smiles got bigger and I am sure that more than a few of us were mentally carving out battery time with him. I'm just sayin...

Anyway it was a good weekend. I needed some yummy goodness like this to fill my soul. Lately my Give A Damn has been busted. Now at least I feel as if there is a karmic service ticket written and soon my Give A Damn will be back online soon.

Until then I am making like my pop rock soul fusion baby daddy and reminding myself that "I won't bend...I won't break...show me how to live and promise me you won't forsake 'cause love can help me know my name."

New Feature Alert! Introducing....Feel Good Fridays!

So this post was inspired by a post made by my friend Casey who writes Just Me...The Crazy Ranchers Wife. Casey had experienced some pretty crappy customer service that was then fodder for this post. A friend of mine who is a vp of customer service at a huge company saw it, asked me to forward it and for the last week I have been in conversation with about ten customer service professionals about expectations, class, training, wages, entitlement etc. Bottom line: Everyone has a customer service horror story and everyone has a customer service love story. I am going to focus on the love and every Friday I will post about a product, a company or place that I feels deserves some props. Today I am pimpin SPRINT.

Sprint is my telecommunication Baby Daddy. I have had cell service with other carriers but hands down I have had the absolute BEST customer service with Sprint. When my relationship with my Motorola Q9c turned abusive. Sprint was there. I have spent hours on the phone with Sprint's tech support trying to get my beloved, yet nogoodnik of a phone to work properly. The tech people were always kind and didn't mind that I kept them on the line for over an hour. They liked the challenge that my phone and I provided.

When the over the phone tech people couldn't help I went to the Sprint Store and no matter what store I went to I got fab service. I have gone through not one, not two but THREE handsets this year. When I had to replace my 2nd phone I walked into the store and the store manager helped me. I asked, "You must be looking at all of the trouble I have had with this phone?" He said, "No, when you walked in you looked really pissed off and I knew I had to do whatever I could to make you smile again." See who doesn't love that kind of service. When my third phone in as many months crapped out, Rocco in Louisiana said, "Miss Tex, I know you love your handset but I think it's time we get you a new handset. Go to the Sprint store, find the phone you want and while you are there I will call you and put it into the system so that we can get it to you in the next few days." We set an appointment and at exactly 2:15 he called! I was at the store. He talked to the sales guy. They made sure that I had what they thought would be a great phone...badda boom...badda bing new phone!

Not only that some supervisor called me to make sure that I was happy with the service and the phone that I chosen. Uh hell yeah I was happy. My phone was acting like an abusive boyfriend. Dropping calls. Not sending important text. Refusing to e-mail but then crying and saying it's sorry whenever I start looking at Blackberry. I didn't have to bitch, moan, cry or write angry letters to, "your manager and your managers manager and what...you don't think I can find out who their manger is?" None of that.

Sprint sees me as a customer. I am more than just a dollar sign to Sprint. Everyone that I have ever had contact with at Sprint has treated me like the princess that I am and for that they have a customer for life and Sprint is the Official Telecommunications Provider of Blissville. Oh and it doesn't hurt that Jack Bauer saves the world using Sprint and it's powerful 3G Network. I'm just sayin!

Err' body In The Blog Gettin' Tipsy!

Ok maybe not err'body but I am! (Just a little)

So last night I was at Borders reading magazines I was too cheap to buy (y'all it's a recession, don't judge me) and I met a CUTE BOY! OMG her was Tony Alemeida cute! and SMART! He was an act-chew-ary. I would lok it up but that requires a new screen and I don;t think I have the motor skjills to do that right now. ANYHOO...

He was like brainiac cute and I hide my US Weekly under some smarty magazine. I even put on my glasses! So his name is Jason and did I mention that he was like super cute and smart? And he is visiting TExas. Sometghing about a friend and job in Houston. (wow, I didn't think I dranlk that much at dinner but I guess I did) So we chatting, and I notice the Brightling (again I know I fucked that up but you know luxury when you see it but wouldn't it be funny if his watch REALLY was BRIGHTling instead of the, ok fuck that is going to drive me crazy. Let me go look it up. Hold on. Ok found it Breitling. But his shit was real or at least I think it was. He had on really nice shoes so I don't think he was a poser but that isnot the point)

So we were chatting and I was having a nice time and it seems like he was having a nice time and then I got all inside my head and I honestly feel that NO ONE shoule be in there head without adulty supervision but there I was in my head, "Don't blow coffee out your nose...Don't blow cofee out your nose...TEX for the love of porn on your cell phone, DO NOT LAUGH SO HARD THAT YOU BLOW COFFEE OUT YOUR NOSE" I mean, I already got way troo excited about whipped cream on my coffee.

So anyway, the store was closing and we made like Journey and went our seperate ways. Joy responded to my Twitter about the Universe sending me a cute smart boy the VERY week I go on my datoing/dick detox and when I told her what happend she called me the spaz that I am. Mostly because I ride her merclessly about herself not getting out there and dating and such. I know, I knoiw. Tex...stop thinking so dcamn much and just have some fun. That is what Best Friend would say. Well he found me and when I am well rested and not so chock full of vodka, I think I will go throuhgght the caller ID and call him back.

Yea me!


Ok, I am waaay too much of a pussy to do that BUT good news my friends...my Blogger Summere Reading Book Club books came TODAY! WHoo to the hoo! I am so excited.

OH speaking of excited ment... my friend King Bitch, who will get a proper introduction when I can see straight) has a birthday this weekend and you all should follow him on Twitter. He is CRAZY phunny and one part of The Cutest Gay Couple In America! Find him on Twitter he's breiter3.

Ok, I think the buzz has worn off and I am heading home.

Love you all more than the buttercream frosting on the wedding cake that I sampoled at the wedding shope today. and you KNOW how much me likes me buttercream!

PArty on,
TEx

I Got My FIRST, "Daaaamn Girl!" LOL

Last week a friend spotted me on Art Mann Presents show that aired a few years back. My friend Kim even called me while it was on!

Then the e-mails came in. Who knew so many people had HDNET?

Anywhoo, an old friend saw the show, called me up and we met for coffee. First thing he said when he saw me? "Daamn girl! You look even better in person!" (insert giggle)

Just a few things

I am FINALLY getting the blog makeover that I have been yearning for! So happy. Cool videos. Fun with Audio the works! I am so excited! It's a slow process but I am happy to finally be moving forward with this project.

My friend, Casey writes Just Me...The Crazy Ranchers Wife. She had the misfortune of suffering some poor customer service and fired off this post. I had the misfortune of leaving said post up on my screen and a customer service professional read it, asked me to forward it to their e-mail and for the past few days been in some uh...lets just say "spirited" debates with a bakers dozens of sales and customer service pros over class, entitlement and responsibility on both side of the counter. Casey loves comments so if you are incline, head over to her blog and weigh in.

Last month my period was four days early. This month it was late. Not so late that I had to prepare myself for a very uncomfortable conversation ("Nooo, you wanted to get a Cirque du Soleil and shit and now look what happened!") , but late enough to cause my hormones to be all out of whack. My dinner of choice has been a bag of Funions and a cherry vanilla Dr. Pepper. So not part of Operation: Damn Girl, How You Get So Fine? But it was all I wanted if I was hungry at all. There were days when I didn't eat at all. And then there was Friday.

I work with a bunch of women. My company is woman owned. Woman ran. Patronized by women and just chock full of women period. I don't know if we are linked up or what but the estrogen has been flying lately and Friday I have had my filled and left in tears. (Aww, poor Tex lol.) I went home, drank a Rolling Rock (my beer of choice) parked my ass on the love seat and chilled with my lover TiVo. It was storming and I fell asleep and when I work up I was HUNGRY and wanted no, needed fried chicken. Not just any fried chicken, I needed Frenchy's Fried Chicken that can only be found in the hood and since The Sports Writer put it so eloquently put it, "You know we live in the white people neighborhood, our chicken choices are limited." Anyhoo, we packed up the truck and went to the hood.

I have been chock full of hormones for nearly 14 days so when we got there I just ordered and ended up with The King Special (three wings, a leg, a thigh, fries, a roll and a drink) it was huge and to top it all off I haven't eaten dark meat in YEARS! Whatever, I ate the hell out of it last night, "with sniper like precision" said The Sports Writer. Picture us rolling down Southmore me ranting and raving cause my hormones were out of whack tossing bones out the window because I just didn't give a shit about littering. It was quite the site.

Anyhoo, we got home. I got back into my fat pants and within the hour I felt 14 days of piss and vinegar just melt away. I got up, went to the bathroom and when I got back I shouted GO BAMA...ROLL TIDE! It was a happy day.

What else? I signed up for Quicken online! Anyone use that? It was part of Operation: Damn Girl (you know the rest) I want to raise my credit score and stuff and actually seeing when my money is going is uh...eye opening? Did you know that the money that I am spending on eating out is enough to get a personal trainer and on a super cool food delivery service?! Uh yeah! My broke ass will be hitting the farmers market next week and every week until that piece of my pie chart is a slice and not the entire pie!

Uh, I guess that is it for now. Now that I am not so bitchy I am more inclined to post more. I need to get back into the habit of writing daily. I have been asked to contribute to some projects but I hesitate to say yes because I feel crusty. But my writing is a big part of Operation: Damn Girl (I really should consider shortening this) so I better get off my butt and on the keyboard.

Make like that green chick in Wicked and Defy Gravity,
Tex

It is on like Donkey Kong!

I HAD THE MOST AMAZING THOUGHT!

Don't you just love it when you are chock full of angst and then all of a sudden the heavens open up and the angels sing a host of hallelujahs? Don'tcha?! Don'tcha?! (OMG, now I'll be singing that bloody Pussycat Doll song for the rest of the day.)

Anyhoo, I was thinking of my Dating/Dick Detox and what I wanted out of it when all of a sudden...out of no where it hit me...I don't need to detox from dick, I need to detox from ME!

Ok, follow me. I am responsible for my life. I attract people, places, things and experiences into my life by my thoughts and actions. It's not thatI want to detox from men, I want to detox from the men I have been attracting!

But wait there is MORE...I was clearing TiVo when THIS thought popped into my tiny head, "Tex, you need to become the person you want to attract. Foolio, it's basic 7th grade science, like attracts like! Lay off the ribs, put the remote and the vibrator down, get up off your butt and become the person you want to be so that you can attract the quality man that you want!"

And it's not just the man. Don't get me wrong, a man would be nice but I am coming from a place of ME, and what I want and whatI want to experience and the people I choose to experience my life with and only I can bring these things forth and it's exciting because I am really in the mindset to really do these things. (Yes, I know that was a run on but I am sooo excited!)

Long story short, I know too late, Dating/Dick Diet has been changed to Operation Daamn Girl, How You Get So Fine?

Light @ The End Of The Tunnel Is Not A Oncoming Train

So I am feeling better about the world these days. PMS is a muther fucker this month but all in all I am doing ok. Here are a few highlights...

About two weeks ago I had a cluster fuck of shit happen all at once. I decided to just throw myself into my work. On my off day I popped into the studio for what I thought would be 90 mins worth of work. Work was a good place for me to because of I was there it meant I wasn't drunk, high or crying because for a while there work was the only place I could be and not be drunk, high or crying. And with the exception of the twenty mins of my co-worker, my work study and myself having Snot Sling '09 it was a pretty good day.

Well, my boss was in her office right behind us and and asked, "What happened to only being here a few mins?" Without skipping a beat my co-worker shouted back, "SHE IS NOT DRUNK, HIGH OR CRYING....LEAVE HER BE!" All we could do was laugh because not only was it true but it was funny how she just went all mama bear. I am very blessed to have people in my life who look after me like Jeannie does. She is good people.

I had a very interesting e-mail exchange with a fellow blogger who is also a reader of Blissville. It went a little something like this...

"So like, I know you are all broken up about this break up and shit but I need to blog more. This one a week bullshit is not cutting it."

"Uh ok."

"No really, Tex. I dig your blog and I miss it when you go so long without a post and enough with the break up! He was so not worthy of you!"

"Oh..uh...ok."

"So here is what I am going to do for you. I have a Amazon gift card. I have some books that I think you should read and if nothing else it will give you something to blog about. What is your address and I will order you the books."

"Really? Uh...ok..."

On the way to me from the fine people at Amazon.com is Be Your Own Matchmaker by The Millionaire Matchmaker, Act Like a Lady/Think Like a Man and something that I can't remember now but made me go hmmm when they mentioned it. LOL! So it looks like I will have my hands and my blog full soon!

Finally, I have decided to go on a dating detox or a Dick Diet as someone so eloquently put it. The thought of "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new" only last for so long and I think I am at the end of my slut phase. I like to think that I am going from a Penis Buffet to Cock A La Carte. I am going 90-120 days without a date and or dick and when I return to the dating world I will be in search of quality. We'll see how this goes!

Until I post again,

Party like rock stars!

Tex

Quick Question

Why do you blog or why do you read other peoples blog?

I was chatting with fellow blogger and they got their feelings hurt when I called them a Comment Ho. I said it in love and in jest but their response was, "I write for people to read my work there is nothing wrong with having followers and fans!"

Fans? Really? Uh, ok.

I don't poo poo dreams and if that is how you roll, here is a big Tex High Five (now with 33% more jazz hands) but here is the deal: I started this blog because I was in a shitload of pain and the only way I knew how to work through it was to write it out and I was too lazy to write long hand. It was nice that people comment because I didn't feel so alone but lets not get it twisted. I know that I am no Dooce or Bitch Phd. I don't sell anything and my post are as scattered as my thoughts. My take is, "Dude, it's just a blog settle down." But maybe I am missing something, so you tell me. Why do you blog & why do you read other peoples blogs?

OH AND TWITTER?

Do you consider people who Twitter bloggers? Are you on Twitter? Do you like Twitter better than a traditional blog? I'll tell you what, I like Twitter but I HATE that people can't contain their thoughts to 140 characters. I thought Twitter was supposed to be short burst of info. What are you doing? What are you thinking? If it takes you more than 120 characters to Tweet than you need to post to a traditional blog...ESPECIALLY if you are Tweeting back to back to back. What I don't get is that there are professional writers who can't edit themselves to 140 characters. YOU PEOPLE GET PAID TO WRITE AND EDIT...keep it simple!

Ok so tell me, what is your take on Twitter?

Dog and Pony

Had a Dog & Pony show at the job last week. I really hate those. You know, some corporate Big Wig comes down from on high and we have to jump through hoops like monkey's. Normally I don't mind (I mean, that's life in the Big City) but this time I just wasn't feelin it. This time when Big Wig was talking about teamwork, I made it known, "No. Our success was NOT a team effort. Some of us worked substantially harder than others and it's not fair that the people who put in 100% effort have to share the spoils with those who just show up."

A few mins later Big Wig asked one of those Catch 22 questions and I was done. I was already late for a function I promised a friend I would attend so I grabbed my bag and left. On the one hand I know it was disrespectful and unprofessional. In the two plus years that I have been working at This Joint I have never raised my voice in anger or frustration. I pride myself in keeping it together. I don't have outburst but apparently I do because I did!

My boss was really cool about it. She said, "You said what you had to say and you were done. What was I supposed to do? Stop you? As if I could!"

Another co-worker had this take. "I am always complaining about something. You know who is always mad about something. I think we were all shocked and Big Wig knew that this must have been a big issues to get YOU upset."

Well long story short. I made nice nice with Big Wig because truth be told she is no joke. She is basically working with my company because she is not the type to retire and play golf. She is the type though to take your million dollar company to a billion dollar company. She did...twice and I learned that yes, even sugar and spice Tex has a darkside. Who knew?!

Thanks Guys

That's all.

Love T K Oh No!

So you know how Picasso had his Blue period? I think Tex is going through her Green period. Or rather has gone through it. (sigh) As much as I would love to think of myself as some sort of bad ass...I am such a cream puff. Case in point Saturday night...

Saturday night I bailed on a work function to go hang with a friend and have some girl time. Her Non-Boyfriend Boyfriend (they are dating but he refuses to admit that and instead says, "I don't date" to anyone who ask how long he's been dating my friend but that is a post on to itself.) was getting on her nerves and I didn't want to start the division of property. So instead I hid out at her swanky pad I call it Melrose Place.

The Non-Boyfriend Boyfriend was home making some sort of Irish Soup. We gals munched on the finest cheese and crackers while sipping on Cherry Limeades. (Take one big ass beer tumbler add ice. Fill about 3/4 of said glass with Cherry vodka. Splash or Roses Lime. Dash of grenadine badda boom...badda bing yummy goodness!) Then Non-Boyfriend Boyfriend had us sample some of his Irish Mash Taters and Corned Beef. Then we gals decided that we were done with him and his wanna be Next Food TV star cookin. We sent him on his way and ordered a bacon cheeseburger pizza and some hot wings. (Dude, we were annoyed and high don't judge us!)

For reasons that will remain a mystery we decided to watch Sex & The City: The Movie. Why, oh why God did we do that? I've only been smoking for a short time, have I really killed that many brain cells already? So we are watching the movie and every now and then one of us would say, "Oh, that is so sweet" or "I always cry at this part" or "I would sell my spleen to have someone say that to me." Tears were shed. Drink were mixed. Pizza and hot wings were consumed. Smoke was...well it was smoked. A good time was had by all.

After the movie, I said my goodbyes and thanked her for hosting me. I got into my truck and had a cry. It had been a long week. A tough week. I was a little buzzed and the movie just pushed me over the edge. So I just went with it. Here is where things get fucked up.

(Here is a little Tex Did You Know that you may NOT have known: Ever watch Scrubs? Know how JD has a running narrative in his head? I do that. I think in detached narrative, camera angles and music scores.)

I am in my truck. Sad about my break up. Beating myself up for being such a pussy and then quickly forgiving myself because well that is how I roll these days. Big. Fat. Sad girl tears are rolling down my cheeks. I take a deep breath and then I notice the song on the radio.

Lookin' back over my years I guessed I've shedded some tears
Told myself time and time again this time I'm gonna win
But another fight, things ain't right I'm losin' again
Takes a fool to lose twice & start all over again...

I think to myself, "Oh holi mother of Prada no. This is just too perfect. You can't write a better scene than this! Sad girl, sits in her truck wistfully thinking of her craptastic love life. The camera could go on passenger side dash to just get a 3/4 face shot."

Think I'd better let it go Looks like another love T.K.O. (Oh...oh...oh...) Think I'd better let it go (What you think about it, girl), let it go, baby (Oh, yeah)Looks like another love T.K.O. (Mmm...mmm...mmm)

But then I really do start wistfully thinking of my craptastic love life and I go from cute and weepy to full on ugly, chest heaving, swollen eye cry.

Tried to take control of the love, Love took control of me. 'Cause you lose all thoughts, sense of time. And have a change of mind...

I get myself together and I start my drive home. Teddy is still singing about how he got his ass beat down by Love and I am not smart enough to just change the bloody radio station. I am still crying and you know how when you really cry your nose gets all stuffy? Well I am rolling down West Alabama slinging snot, crying the ugly girl cry when my belly decided to get in on the action. The cheese...the crackers...the corned beef...all decided to have an encore. I get to the stop sign open the door and heave ho. I think to myself, "Damn, you just went from John Huges, Pretty in Pink sad girl to some Lifetime Television For Women movie of the week bitch. This can't be good."

Takin' the bumps and the bruises of all the things of a two-time loser. Tryin' to hold on, faith is gone. It's just another sad song...

I take a deep breath. I drive about 50 yards and feel the rumble again. I spy a Starbucks and think, "Oh hell no. I am not going to be THAT girl. So I drive a bit more. Belly says, "Oh no? Well then I guess you are going to have to settle for THIS girl!" And before I could pull over and get the door open the cheese...the crackers...the corned beef...the taters...the pizza...the hot wings...the cookies and the three very large cherry limeades all came back up. All over me, the wheel, the door, the floor.

EEEWWW!

So I drive thinking a) I went from some Lifetime movie ho to some tragic indie movie bitch whose' producer didn't get enough money so she really has to puke on herself so the movie will seem 'gritty' and b) OH. MY. FREAKIN. GAWD. I just puked all over myself and the damn truck! Ewww! I took my sweater off at a red light and drove topless for a few miles. Was coming up on a stretch where I knew there would be lots of people so I grab my bootleg pashmina out of my gym bag and wrapped myself in that. My foot keeps sliding off the clutch because of the vomit on the rubber floorboards and I still can't stop crying.

I think I'd better let it go (What you say about it?)Looks like another love T.K.O. (Oh...oh...ho...whoa...yes)I think I'd better let it go), let it go, baby (Oh, baby)Looks like another love T.K.O. (Mmm...hmm...oh...ho...oh...)

I get home. I smell of vodka, vomit and pizza. I look down and my pants are soaked. I have a choice to make. I can change my pants in the parking lot of my apartment or I can just go upstairs and make a mad dash for the shower. I was looking for some sweats when the choice was made for me. Sade's King Of Sorrow just came on the radio.

I'm crying everyone's tears. And there inside our private war I died the night before. And all of these remnants of joy and disaster. What am I suppose to do. I want to cook you a soup that warms your soul. But nothing would change, nothing would change at all. It's just a day that brings it all about. Just another day and nothing's any good.

Fuck that. If I have to hear THAT song I will slit my throat with my spork from KFC! At that point I was just so over myself. My inner Princess who was just as disgusted said, "Tex, get your high, drunk, pukie self up the damn stairs. Shower the stench off yourself. Take your ass to bed and just start over in the morning. For the love of Vera Wang home furnishing get yourself together!"

And that is exactly what I did.

As The Thinking Man's Babe would say, "Only good will come of this." I just keep telling myself that. Over and over and over again. Soon I will believe it. Then it will be true.

Ode To Joy

Today is a special day. Today is my dear friend Joy's birthday. As I sit here at my keyboard I am at a loss for words. There are so many things that I could tell you about Joy but every time I start to type my eyes and my heart well up with so much love that it gets hard to see. So lets just start with what I said about Joy in my Facebook 25 Random Things About Me post.

Joy V is the most generous and compassionate person I know. (I have a not so secret crush on her brother Gerry)

Joy and I met a few years ago when she moved to Texas for her job. She is some VP of something for some huge company that I like to refer to as Conglomo. She is young, smart, makes mad money,oh and did I mention that she is a boobalicious babe? She is the total package and ANYONE who knows her...loves her. And you should be so lucky as to date her. When we met I was told to be on my best behavior and I kind of forgot about that...so when I started drawing pictures of the sex toy my company made at the dinner table it didn't really go over well with her partner at the time. (eek) So we didn't hang out much but then...

Shank Ho (and no I don't say that with love) decided not to back away from crazy but to join crazy and be it's leader. So Joy was back on the market. It was a horrible break up but by chance we were both invited to Best Friends Super Bowl Party and reconnected. I don't remember how but at that party she went from being a friend of a friend to my friend, and for that I will forever be grateful.

Joy is genuine. What you see is what you get with her. There is no pretense and no bullshit. Ever. Joy is generous to a fault and I have stopped trying to pick up a check whenever I am out with her. We bonded over booze (Crown & 7 for her something fruity and girly for me ) and all things cheesy (like our love of cheesy love songs and karaoke). Joy was the one who told the Random White Boy kissing me at the Stevie Nicks concert "GET OFF OF HER!" and nearly beat him. LOL. Along with Best Friend and The Sports Writer, Joy was there to bail me out (literally). It was her sprawling home in the suburbs that I retreated to during the early days of The Break Up and she is without a doubt one of the few people that I know I can call in the middle of the night who would take my call, even for bullshit. Joy is on the top of my Live Organ Donation list. I'd give her my liver if she needed it! I only hope that I have been one tenth the friend to her that she has been to me these last two years.

Joy, today may be your birthday but everyday that I have known you has truly been a gift to me.

Happy Birthday. I love you and you can show that hot brother of yours this post this weekend when you go to NYC. My guess is you will show him on your fancypants, brand spankin new iPhone, you Tech Ho! And because I KNOW your phone has the power to run it, here is Beaker singing Ode To Joy!

Was talking to a friend the other day and they asked how I was doing with the whole break up thing. "Dude, I am not even going to lie. I am so fuckin Neely O'Hara from Valley of the Dolls it's not even funny." (Oh wait, did Neely die? No, she lived. She licked booze, pills and the funny farm!)

You see, I don't really do the whole why-don't-you-come-over-and-lets-watch-Meg-Ryan-movies-eat-Ben & Jerry's-then-cry-myself-to-sleep thing. Ok, so maybe I did cry in my spare ribs at the Japanese buffet a few weeks ago but that is because Best Friend caught me off guard!

Right now all I can say is that I am coping the best way I can. Translation: I am smoking weed like Snoop Dogg, drinking cherry vodka like it was spring water and living by the motto that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone(s) new. Eh, what can I say? I really don't feel like feeling much these days.

I am giving myself some time to just fuck off. Bills will get paid, friends and family will be tended to other than that, I've got nuthin. Elizabeth Gilbert had her Eat, Pray, Love. Tex In The City will Swim, Fuck, Smoke.

I am so outta here,
Tex

I fell. Not in love, Foolios! On my ass!

In my dreams I am a wispy, graceful girl who not so much walks but glides.

In my dreams I descend down grand staircases like Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard.

Y'all, in my dreams I am so damn cool!

In reality I am a klutz.

The Sports Writer used to say, "It's not football season unless Tex sprains an ankle!" The first night I met up with Boi Toy? Fell backwards and landed in my back. Now, I don't think that the back to back to back mojitos had much to do with it. You know how I roll, but still! So. Not. Cool. Thankfully I have Wesonality (and a big Latina booty). He just helped me up and well you know the rest.

Anyhoo.

This week Company X was a vendor at Shecky's Girls Night out at a fancy pants ballroom downtown. Semi swanky event. Single men? This would have been a very target rich environment for you. Drunk women with money. I am just sayin.

There were wall to wall vendors. Women are lined up four to six deep everywhere you turned and the drinks were flowing. I was working so there was only bottled water for the Texter. (Ok, I had one pink drink but that is sooo not the point.) I left our booth to find a bathroom and I had to go around one of those HUGE event type trash cans. As I rounded the trash can I tripped on the base of a sign! Fell hard on my knee and like Spongebob, I dropped on the deck and flopped like a fish.

Before I could even attempted to get up not one but two very handsome, suited security men were at my side. "Miss are you ok? Can you move? How much have you had to drink? Do you need a chair? Go get her a chair!"

"I'm fine. Yes. Nothing but water. No. No! I am more embarrassed than anything else." Then the Blond Bombshell co-worker rounds the corner and asks, "Tex. What the fuck you doing on the floor?" and gets down with me. Cute Guard Number One has my hand, Cute Guard Number Two is making sure no one steps on me. Another friend rounds the corner? "The hell? Tex, what happened?!" she too is now on the floor with me. Then my boss comes and you know what happens, yep...she too gets down and we all have a fuckin tea party. Lovely. Just lovely.

I was mortified. If a black girl could turn red I would have. Instead, big, fat, oh-my-GAWD-I-fell at-the-fuckin-Shecky's tears rolled down my cheek and a wave of "OH NO DON'T CRY's" rang out. It was just so pitiful. Cute Guard Number One helps me up. My friend calls her husband, the doctor, and then bombards me with questions. Sharp or dull? Stiff? Can you bend it? Skin break? I get back to our booth, sit my ass down and prop my leg. My boss who is the coolest boss ever is all over it. Incident reports, calls to corporate the whole nine yards. This morning, I get an e-mail from our CFO asking if I was ok and telling me to take it easy. Friends are offering samples of muscle relaxers and bags of "some good shit." Again, very overwhelming but it made me mindful of all of the good people I have in merry band of misfits. Big high five to the universe being a kind and loving place.

So. As we head into the weekend share with the class YOUR embarrassing story. Me, Iam going to prop up the knee and clear TiVo.

Have a great weekend. Peace out and as always within.

Tex

What's on your bedside table?

I Tweeted this last night that I looked over to my bedside table and it gave me a great giggle to see my tiara, one of my vibrators and a half empty bottle of Nyquil. Dude, if that is not the makings of a party I don't know what is!

So tell me, what on YOUR bedside table?

If you are good, I'll post a photo!

Yep, it's true

So I promised my friend G that I would blog about my list of 25 Random Things about myself that I posted on Facebook. So here is post #1

I am a Scorpio woman everything that you read about me is true.



My birthday is November 1 and yes, I am a Scorpio. When I was younger I had no idea what that meant. When you tell people that you are a Scorpio you get one of two reactions. They either recoil because they think you are going to give them a verbal bitch slap or they give you a wicked smile because they think you will fuck them at the drop of a dime.

Scorpios are known for their possessiveness and jealousy but on the other hand, they are extremely loyal. Call me crazy but I see nothing wrong with NOT wanting to share your mate and threatening to cut a bitch if she eyeballs your man like he some bacon wrapped fillet. I'm just saying.

Scorpios have an excellent memory and combined with an inability to let things go, they can hold a grudge against someone who did them harm forever, in fact a Scorpio rarely if never forgives and forgets. Ok, so my best friend in high school dated my boyfriend BEFORE we broke up. That is dirty pool! I had to work that one out on the couch with my Happy Head Person. I don't care that it happened almost 20 years ago, that is just grimy! I am proud to say that I am a kinder, gentler, Tex and if I feel I have been wronged now, I usually bless in love and light and move on. It's not easy but I am proud that I can do that now.

They will even go as far as get vengeance on the person. I may not ACT on it but oh boy will I think it. There is a song, that I am too lazy to look up, with the lyrics "six million ways to murder choose one" I have been known to plot the demise of people who I felt have done me wrong. Again, just sayin.

On the other hand, they will always remember a kind gesture forever and repay it. Any kind selfless gesture done to a Scorpio will gain trust and respect which is extremely important to them in any relationship, either romantic or not. Dude, it's the whole do onto others thing. I will give you the shirt off my back, the last dollar in my wallet and the last slice of pizza. Be nice to me. I am a decent person. It will come back to you. I promise.

The best advice is to be honest with a Scorpio friend and in return, you will gain an amazing friend you will never forget and who will be loyal to you and never make false promises. Here is what I tell anyone who is in my life. Just fuckin tell me the truth. Know that I may...ok will react badly but give me some space and I will be fine. If I know that you are coming from a place of love and you give me shitty news, fine. Unlike like Tom Cruise I CAN HANDLE THE TRUTH. In turn, I will do the same for you. Now, I am not one to just blurt things out. I am thoughtful and if needed I will wrap the truth in bacon and cheese and serve it with a side of ranch. It is much easier for me to deal with the truth then to try to restrain myself from cuttin' your fool ass bitch made punk self for lying to me. Once more, I'm just sayin!

Their truthful and shocking sense of humor if different than that of any other zodiac sign and the Scorpio makes an amazing, powerful, interesting friend that can be trusted. I don't know what to say about this one. My humor is dark, wicked and often sexual. I have a tendency to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. Something you will think something but I will say it! But whatever you either get me or you don't. The one thing that I have learned as I have gotten older is a little Tex goes a long way. Most people can only deal with me in short burst. Amazing and powerful? Dude, I don't know about all that but I am interesting and can be trusted with your deepest, darkest, what the fuck secrets. I may let it slip out that you were really at the spa when you called in sick to work but I will never ever mention the offshore account you are keeping from your spouse.

And because you can't talk about Scorpios without mentioning sex...

Being in search for refinement is Scorpio woman’s personal charm as she is the bearer of one of the most important energies of human beings: the sexual energy. It is the energy she will have to cope with all her life. She will have to accept this energy, to know it, control it and share it with the others. This is not an easy task in the confused world we live in and this is why being less charming or not at all charming is the sign of a very mature mission of life. (Sigh) Even elementary Tex was a huge flirt. I have a very vivid memory of my mom, my aunt and myself at the El Chico at Holiday Mall in Galveston. I was maybe in the third grade and I asked the waiter for something and flashed a smile and my big brown eyes. When he left my aunt asked, "Texlita, were you flirting with him?" I had no idea what flirting was but when he came back with what I asked for and a few extra items I figured it out real quick!

When I was younger I had all of this sexual energy that I didn't understand or knew how to control. I got into some pretty fucked up situations because I was young and stupid and over developed. As I got older I realized that not everyone was as...I don't know...va-va-voom as I was. I remember long before Katy Perry sang about it, there was a song called I Kissed A Girl. It came on the radio while I was with my Best Friend and I said, "Who hasn't?!" Apparently there is a very large population of women who haven't. THEN there was the Metro Booty Call who called me a "Freak" because I blew him to speed up his recovery time. Uh, hello? Ladies, back me up here. If I am willing to put your cock in my mouth the ONLY thing I want to hear is: Please. Thank You. May I have some more. And the obligatory warning. Don't be name calling! That is just rude.

I think I will end on that. Tomorrow number two on my list: I used to have a ten inch glass dildo in my living room as decoration. I'll even post a photo if I can find one. Until then, have some private time with yourself and your fav lube.

Tally Ho! (hahaha I said ho!)
Tex

For Awondering Mind From Twitter

I am a huge internet geek and very proud Texan. I think people who don't like Texas should go live elsewhere. No, really. I bothers me to hear people bad mouth my state. My favorite t-shirts is the one that says, "Fuck you! I'm from Texas!" and once I yelled at a customer service rep who was giving me anything but good service, "Look, you don't want to mess with me. I am your worse nightmare. I am a big mouth Latina woman from TEXAS!" (I got my credit by the way.)

Back in the late 90's I was part on an internet group and was the sole southerner. The group leader always called me Tex. I liked it. I also am a total city gal. I grew up in the suburbs, not too far south from where you are now and hated it. I would always try to escape to the city whenever possible.

Then the show Sex & The City came out and one thing led to another. Badda boom! Badda Bing!

Tex In The City was born. Click here to see how this blog came about.

Peace out & more importantly within,
Tex

Sorry G!

Sorry, G. I know that I was supposed to jump start my blogging by blogging about my Facebook 25 Random things but eek, it seems like the plot has thickened and now I actually have something worth blogging about! So the NEXT post will start The List. In the meantime...

Omg! Omg! Omg! My life is becoming a Lifetime movie and on the one hand I want to just ride it out and see what happens. I mean as long as I don't end up homeless or in jail what's the harm. On the other hand the Good Girl in me is freakin out. All of the shit that you are supposed to do in your twenty's (the skirt chasing and bad mouthing your country; bonus points if know that movie that comes from) I am doing now because I was too busy being Good Girl Tex. NOW that I am damn near finger fucking forty (as apposed to tongue kissing forty) I am Girl Gone Wild! Not really. It's more Girl Gone Mild but you know what I am saying.

So I thought I was ready to date. I am not. Had a date with a very cute editor set up. I thought I was ready to date. Then he said he was looking for a wife. I ran for the hills. How fucked up is that! I told him that I double booked myself and that we would have to reschedule. THEN I was sitting at a bar with Boi Toy and I thought, "This is so fucked up. We are just two fucked up souls and this could be a leaving Las Vegas type cluster fuck waiting to happen. OR...I can order another round of shots!" I'll let you guess what I did next. Oh and lets not talk about the nine shots at the tittie bar and how poor Best Friend had to listen to be go on and on and on and on (I am a very happy giddy drunk) about wanting pancakes at 2:00am and how I was drunk texting and had to have my phone taken away. (if you got any one of those text Saturday night I am so very sorry.)

So here is what I am wrestling with. Do self destructive people know that they are self destructive or is it like being crazy? Crazy people don't KNOW they are crazy thus they can't be crazy. Am I just a stick up the butt type girl who is just having fun OR am I am I like Mary Jane in Reefer Madness on a slippery slope to turning tricks for waffles? I am a little worried.

Anywhoo, tomorrow I'll blog about my 25 Random Things list as promised. Until then, party like rock stars!

Tex

The Tex Files

So here is what has been going on in Blissville...

1) I am finally feeling better. Two rounds of anti-cootie meds and some serious cough syrup later. Still not 100%. Still can't get into the pool. Feeling much better none the less.

2) While goofing off at work one night me and a couple of girls were dancing in one of the studios. The music was blaring, the bass line was pumping and in the middle of some wicked hip circles my jeans fell to my knees. I didn't notice until I tried to walk, tripped and fell. Weight loss RULES!

3) I have a friend whom I love dearly. Our friendship came out my love of food and his need for a dinner date whenever he was in town. He was married. I was dating Sporty. Our relationship never went further than Food Pimp and Dinner Bitch. He is now divorce. Sporty and I are making like Journey and going our Separate Ways. Saturday night he asked me to join him in Europe while he'd be there for work. Before I could answer he got called away and we haven't spoken since.

4) Mr. Three Hour adores me. Treats me like the princess that I am and makes me laugh. He says all of the right things and his kisses make me swoon. Yes, I said swoon. This freaks me out and I keep trying to find reasons to kick his Kisses Make Me Swoon ass to the curb. Instead I have decided to just be in the moment and have some fun. Swooning is a good thing. Ahh, yes...swooning is a very good thing.

5) I have decided that February is Tex's Month O' Fun! For the next four weeks...once a week I will do something that I think is fun. Even if I have to do it by myself. (Battery time with the men of 24 doesn't count.)

6) I had a dream that my teeth were falling out. Later that day I found out that my grandmother was in the hospital. Old wives tales suck big Moby Dick.

7) Twice last week I had conversations with friends in which I thought I was out of control, whacked out, need a weekend at Passages. I thought I was girl on wild, turns out I am girl gone mild. I am so not hood and instead of hardcore I am almost sure my core is filled with marshmallow fluff.

8) Ladies, how many of you think Ankle Bone is the bomb dig-a-ty? His last comment made me smile.

9) I don't know if any of you are the praying type but if you are say a prayer for Casey over at Just Me...The Crazy Ranchers Wife. Daddy had a health scare.

10) I need a new cell. My beloved Motorola Q9c seems to be dying a slow and painful death. I am not cool enough for an iPhone (read I am not switching to AT&T) and Blackberry seems so...I don't know. Any suggestions? I need to be able to get my e-mails and now that I am the flavor of the month with the men folk I have been texting my friend Kim like a 16 year old girl. Touch screens give me the heebies because if I toss my phone in my bag I am afraid that it would either get scratched or dial by mistake. Remember when we all had ONE phone and it was corded?

Well I think that is it for me. Sporty and I are super cool. Even though he caught my cooties and is ill. Opps. I'd like to think if it as a lovely parting gift. He? Not so much.

Hey, what are y'all doing for Valentines?

See, we're still friends

Me VERY EXCITED, "First, I have to say that I hate you. I hate that fact that even though we are broken up I still want to call you first when I have really good news. I hate you. Rot in hell."

Sporty ever so calm, "Tex, I would expect nothing less from you."

I sing, "HEY I'M A ROCK STAR BABY...I JUST GOT OUT OF MY INTERVIEW...MADE THE OFFICE GO CRAZAY!"

"Of course you did. I KNEW you would rock it. Slam dunk! Good for you!"

"You are just saying that because I used you give you blow jobs."

"Uh, thank you for all of the memorable blow jobs but now that is not why I said that. You know I think you can do anything."

"Except rap. You never let me rap and the fact that you felt it appropriate to always remind me that I grew up in the suburbs and not on the mean streets of Compton was one of the deciding factors of our untimely demise."

"Really, now?"

"YES!"

"You have issues."

"I know, but with all of the money I am going to be making at this new job I can buy things to distract me from said issues."

"Uh huh. So instead of fixing them you are going to distract yourself? Nice. I like the way you think. How can I subscribe?"

"Anyway, thank you for listening and giving me verbal jazz hands. I really appreciate it."

"No biggie. You know I am always here for you."

"I know, now rot in hell."

"I love you, too."

Quick Update

I was telling a friend the other day that I was thinking of getting a Corgi this summer. The conversation went like this.

"So I think once the Sports Dude is gone and I have saged the apartment I'm going to get a Corgi and name him Rufus. So when we go on 'the circuit' the color guy will say, 'Do you hear that crowd? They are not booing they are chanting RUUUUUUUfus."

"Tex, uh...I don't know how to tell you this but you hate children and small animals."

"NO I DON'T!" She didn't even let me get it out when she said, "Oh really? Was it not you who when offered a job at a vet asked, 'do I have to touch the animals?' We had the conversation less than three weeks ago and YOU said, "I like animals, especially grilled and with Hosin sauce!"

"That doesn't mean I don't like animals! That just means I like Asian food!"

I have some kind of super cootie. I am on my 2nd round of antibiotics PLUS syrup and still feel like dried monkey spank. My energy level is super low and I thought I was hot Friday night because I was running around making sure 40+ women got their photo taken. Nope turned out I was running a fever. 100.2 baby! The new meds if not taken properly make me violently ill. The only thing I can do is give thanks for my health and know that this can't last forever.

I have a friend who is in the middle of a nasty break up. That makes me sad because me and Sporty always have such pleasant break ups. With the exception of the "I hope your head exploded and shoots into outer space and only the Hubble can take your photo for your stupid column!" I think we have done pretty good. LOL

Next weekend is going to be a big weekend for me. We have our office Super Bowl Party Saturday afternoon and Saturday night I plan to get me some super pole at a fancy downtown hotel. (Oh no she did'ent. Oh yes she did!) Yes, my pretties just call me Princess Slutty McSlut Slut. We are checking in after the party and not leaving until I have to go to work the next day. (giggle)

So I have a question. I like this guy well enough. He seems to dig him some Texlie. (Always a plus) And whenever we get together in person a good time is had by all. (With the exception of the most awful date known to mankind last Feb. So bad I am not even going to bother to link to it.) Here is the deal. He wants to date me and I just want booty on demand. What are the rules of engagement in situations like this? I've been out of commission since the early 90's. School me on Booty Call Protocol. Now, I am off to watch L Word, eat some Pho and maybe have some quality battery time with the actor who plays Tony Almeida on 24. Ladies, is he NOT yummy goodness in a good boy on bad please arrest me Mr CTU Man kind of way? I'm just sayin'!

Party on,
Tex

On Happiness

Last week I missed two days of work due to the trifecta of cooties. I had two ear infections, a sinus infection and was hacking up parts of my lungs due to bronchitis. Yes, I was a vision of snotty loveliness. On Fridays, I go in to my new job (belch) after lunch because I am taking a dance class. I love my class because my teacher and classmates are very cool and I can move at my own pace. However, I look at all of the beautiful around me and feel more bovine than beauty. But I keep going because I feel that I will never look at myself like I look at them if I don't put the work in. Do you see what I am saying?

Anywhoo, last Friday I was sitting at home looking out of the window, near tears. Do I go to sucktastic job early to make up for the hours I missed earlier in the week or do I give myself my weekly pep talk and get my ass into class even though I feel like shit and can't do the really cool things the other girls can?

So I asked myself: What would make you happy?

My first answer is always, "The money." I am a ho for Uncle Sam and like Snoop, "I got my mind on my money and my money on my mind." But it was only two hours and it's not like they are paying me all that much so would three Scooby Snacks and Cherry Coke really make me happy?

Then there was the class? I had to ask myself, "Tex, what the fuck? Why the drama. You like the class. Your teacher is super cool. She lets you do what you are comfortable with and then jet. Why the fuckin pep talk each and every Friday? You're boring me."

I'm not doing the whole new year, new you bullshit. The only thing I am doing is focusing on things that I really like or make me happy. When I go to work I get greeted with a "good morning. Not get to work phone monkey!" After eight hours it's, "See you phone monkey. Try not to fuck shit up tomorrow."

When I go to class I get greeted with a rousing, "TEX! YOU'RE HERE! I am so glad to see you! WOW! New hair?! Super Cute!" When I sneak out afterwards my teacher always tells me how proud she is of me for showing up and how she looks forward to seeing me the next week.

It should have been a no brainer. (roll eyes) I went to class. Had a great time and thought. "Damn, there really is something to this do what makes you happy business." So I let that thought...that feeling...that whatever lead me through the day. What would make me happy for lunch? What can I wear Friday night to my marketing meeting that would make me feel good? What else can I do to keep this momentum?

The Sports Writer and I decided that we really do suck as a couple. We gave it the ole SWT Bobcat try and even though mommy and daddy love each other very much we would both rather bleed from our eyes than continue dating one another. This time for good. Forever. Fuck you muther fucker if you ever think you will see my lady bits again. Er... I mean it was mutual and we cool. But since I was following this whole make Tex happy thing I called a friend who I knew would be happy to hear from me. We met after my meeting and he showered me with three hours of happy. (Oh. No. She. Did'ent!) OH. YES. I. DID! Aren't I naughty?!

So uh, yeah. (Sorry I had a flashback to the hot,sweaty, let me whisper something sweet in your ear make out session.) Where was I? Oh yeah...happy. I am making myself happy. I am giving notice at new job. They can abuse some other phone monkey after Jan 31. I would do my happy dance but ever since I lost EIGHTEEN POUNDS I am afraid that they may just fall right off! (Bitch don't hate. I worked hard for them pounds.)

Nineteen days into the new year and I have decided that '09 is OH NINE & ALL MINE!

Oh HELL YEAH,
Tex

PS: Seriously, the break up is mutual and we are cool. Friends forever :) lovers never.

Yo!

I know, I know! It's been ages since I have posted.

I've been busy parting like a rock star, I am so over drinking. (At least until March) Our company holiday party was craaaazy! There was lots of Patron, passing out on the cool tiles of the ladies room floor and my inner pissed off black woman came out when I saw that my truck had been wrongfully towed.

"Yo! Yo! Mr. Tow Man! Where's my truck?! I fuckin workchs here and wez having a holeeday party and thisch car and thisch car and these car beeelong here!"

Tow Guy took a deep breath and a step back after he smelled mine. Assured me that my car would be returned. In the meantime my rag tag bunch and myself went back to our party. There was a late night run to Jack In The Box and Booty Parlor toys were passed around like joints in a college dorm.

My very sweet, twentysomething co-worker who swore all week that she would work for me the following day projectile vomited all over her dashboard on her way home the next morning so after 90 mins of sleep I was back at the office. Hung over and chipper like a bird.

Christmas was quiet and uneventful. I hung out Christmas Eve with some friends and Christmas Day found me chillin with my family. No big gift exchange. No huge turkey dinner. Just some really cool family members hangin out. It was really nice.

New Years had me stumbling home drunk. I recall a very nice 22 year old boy at my side most of the night. "Dude, if I was a ho in high school I could be yo mama!" Kissing a girl in the parking lot"Taste of her cherry chapstick!" A bar fight that I may or may not have provoked. Some questionable photos on Facebook confirm that a good night was had by all. God bless the fine people at Yellow Cab. I'm just sayin.

So New Year...New Me? Uh not so much. I have decided that I really dig myself. My quirks. My dreams. My passions. My love of jazzhands and all things cheese. Oh! but there are a few new things! I have a new job and a new swim teacher and the new blog should be up soon.

Dude, this post is crap. I really shouldn't go this long without posting. Oh well.

Cheers,
Tex

From Craptastic To Fanfreakintastic

First, I want to thank you all for placing Booty Parlor order. I am so close to my goal I am thinking of adding a fan kick to my happy dance! So thank you, thank you, thank you and if you haven't placed an order yet, pretty please with sugar on top, buy some lip gloss!

So here is a life lesson that I have finally learned: When practicing the Law Of Attraction, focus on the freakin outcome and not HOW said outcome will happen.

Back in November I had my Solar Return Chart done and my main man Kevin told me some interesting things. Most of it sounded interesting and if any of it came to fruition that would be cool, however I had the Kappa Mikey "Yeah right" attitude.

Turns out when I just let go and be in the freakin moment...cool shit happens! Things like the possibility of actually getting a job in my chosen profession. Meeting people, who know people who think that would do be perfect for a project. Free concerts and the courage to ask for help in reaching a goal.

A few weeks ago the thought of letting go scared my pants off. Don't get me wrong, I am still holding on, my grip is just not as tight. Yeah me.

Trying something new

I am a brand spankin new Booty Parlor Bootician (think Tupperware of naughty girls) and I am rockin! I had my first party last week and sold almost enough to make my first months goal. I am excited because I got hooked up with the company by a woman I know through my work. She is the best sponsor ever and really believes in me. Her belief in me has transferred to my belief in myself. It's crazy but it's been a while since I have felt as if I could actually accomplish something. It feels good and I want keep up the momentum.

I have done direct sales in the past and sucked big Moby Dick. No really, it wasn't pretty. I was like Al Pacino in Scarface. I'd get high on my own supply or rather I was using more body butter than I was selling and was never really interested in the sales aspect of direct sales. I know, I KNOW!

So here is the deal. Instead of me sitting around waiting for sales to come to me I am going to try something different and ASK FOR A SALE. (Look Ma, I'm growing!)

I have set up an online "party" if you are so moved (please, be moved). Shoot me an e-mail and I will send you a link to the party, it's happening all this week and I'd really appreciate your help.

Don't be skerd! There are books, kits, lips glosses, lotions as well as lubes, toys and more toys! We have everything from mild to wild and since I used to work in the adult novelty industry if you have any questions shoot me an e-mail and I'll tell you what I know.

Thank you in advance for any and all help. I'll come back during the week to let you know how I am doing.

Wish me luck,
Tex

More Quick Hits

The voices in my head have been working overtime. Since my head is a union shop you can best believe they are getting stupid paid.

I have had some wicked dreams. The lastest one had me working for Oprah. Go figure.

I have decided that I must go in to get weighed at Weight Watchers. Scale said I gained 15 pounds in 7 days. THEN a mere 9 hours later I was down 6. I don't know what in Ricky Bell Hell is going on but the madness must stop. Even know I know the scale is wrong it fucks with me.

Job situation is, "Meh."

"Well it's empty and it's ugly and it's terribly sad...I can't feel what you feel, but I know it feels bad. I know that it's real and it makes you so mad...you can cry if you want to." That is from Holly Cole's song Cry If You Want To. I can't get it out of my head. There are worse songs, I guess. Especially since I couldn't get that Nuvaring commercial song out of my head for DAYS last week. EEK.

Last week I realized that I love Sporty more than I am willing to admit to him and truth be told, myself.

Last week I got to experience the universe in action in my life and in the lives of my friends. Delightful twist and turns. Totally unexpected stuff both good and not so good either way it left me hopeful.

Gotta have hope, right?

Busy Busy Busy

It's been a very busy time here in Blissville.

Blah, blah blah personal growth. Leavin' the tribe. Will blog more later.

Blah, blah blah Weight Watchers is das bomb. Lost a few pounds. Will blog more later.

Blah, blah blah dreams with some awesome symbolism. Will so blog more on that one!

Blah, blah blah still looking for a full time job. "Meh."

Blah, blah blah was sick over the holiday.

Blah, blah blah TRAINING FOR MY RELAY TRIATHLON IN AUG! Whoo to the hoo!

More later.

Tex

But I am almost sure she blogged about it

For my birthday The Thinking Mans Babe gave me a teleconfrence on gratitude. It ended with this poem and I have been thinking about it almost everyday since I heard it. I want to be like the woman in this poem but I am holding on so tight that my hands are a bloody mess.

She let go.

Without a thought or a word, she let go.

She let go of fear. She let go of judgments. She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.

She let go of the committee of indecision within her. She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons.

Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.

She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a book on how to let go.

She didn’t search the scriptures.

She just let go.

She let go of all the memories that held her back. She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.

She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right. She didn’t promise to let go. She didn’t journal about it.

She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer. She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper. She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horopscope.

She just let go.

She didn’t analyze whether she should let go. She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter. She didn’t utter one word.

She just let go.

No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations. No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing.

Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.

There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn’t good. It wasn’t bad.

It was what it was, and it is just that.

In the space of letting go, she let it all be. A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her.

And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.

One Nation, One Love

I have had many spirited conversations with friends lately over California's Prop 8. Most of the time we ended with agreeing to disagree.

I don't poo poo dreams. I honor and respect my conservative friends views. I WHOLEHEARTEDLY disagree and will until I draw my last breath.

Either we are equal or we are not. Civil Union does NOT equal marriage. It would be different if we breeders have done right by marriage, but look at our record! We are shoddy at best and really what right do we have to tell two people who love each other and are crazy enough to want to get married in the first place that they can't? Those who can't do oppress?

Today is Sunday and many people will be heading to church. I am not presumptuous or arrogant enough to know or tell you how to pray. I will say this, I am praying for the day when we stop paying lip service to all men (and women for that matter) are created equal and start living it. But I am just rambling. Kieth Olberman conveys what I am feeling much better than I ever can.

Summer Camp Syndrome

Remember going away to summer camp or maybe your first semester of college. Remember coming home that first time and finding everything different! Your parents, your siblings, your friends. You're like, "Dude, what is with everyone?" You think they have changed but it's not them...it's you.

I left One Tree Drama Hill in late July. In early August I went out with some friends and one of them mentioned that I was...mellow. I think she may have even turned her nose up at the thought. But it was true. I am more calm. I am mellow and that's good! Right? A manic, high strung Tex is not a good thing. Believe me.

Another friend was giving me the play by play of an event she went through. I sat and listened. When she was done she I gave her what I thought was a thoughtful response. She said, "That's it?! That's all you have? Where are the snappy retorts? The directors commentary?" We talked for a bit more but before we hung up she said, "kinder, gentler Tex sucks."

Uh ok.

So here is the deal. Yes, I am changing but that is a good thing! I'd like to think that I am getting better but the response from some people has been less than positive and that sucks because I don't want to kick my friends to the curb but I feel as if we don't have much in common anymore and THAT sucks big Moby Dick.

Help a sistah out cause I am too old to make new friends.
Tex

Quick Hits

Many thoughts about Tuesday night. The best quote was actually a text.

"Oh my freakin GAWD can you believe this? HE WON!"
"No, WE WON!"

I am very disappointed that California's Prop 8 was passed. This one angers me. Do we care more about farm animals than we do about our fellow human beings civil rights? Really? I call bullshit and this topic will get it's own post later.

I think my drink 'til I am stupid days are over and my social life will be effected. No, I take that back. I KNOW my drink 'til I am stupid days are over. Went out with friends the other night and was quite content with my oj &7. Got hit on my a 20 something. That's always a nice ego stroke.

Started a new blog on my birthday and I am already getting shitty e-mails. THAT bugs me. Really? How can you piss someone off in 37 words?!

My funk is 100% gone! I feel so good.

Oh! My house is like...clean! No really, I am almost tempted to invite someone over. But I won't. Even though I am done with my funk I am quite happy being by myself these days.

I have a post about summer camp syndrome that I need to finish because I think I have a bad case of that and need some feedback on how to cope.

My mom is back in town! She is cruising for Thanksgiving. Looks like it's Boston Market and Tivo for the Texter. DUDE THAT RULES!

I think that is it. Nothing earth shattering just getting on with life.

I'll get back to posting next week. Until then remember... "We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable right, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness."

Demand Equality,
Tex

Wedded Bliss

Saturday night I attended the wedding reception of a co-worker. It was the best reception I have attended in a very long time. The couple jetted off to Jamaica the week before to get married and then came back to celebrate with friends and family.

The bride was beautiful, of course but it was more than the dress and the pretty hair. She was happy. Radiant. She laughed freely. She laughed often and it wasn't because of the open bar.

The groom was ever so handsome. His toast to his bride was sweet and heartfelt. There were many misty eyes in the house when he spoke of how much he loved her and the impact she has made in his life.

I so enjoyed this reception because I love the couple! They are young, in love and when you look at them you see the real thing. When you watch them together you get that feeling that this couple is going to make it.

I was once a bridesmaid at a wedding that took place over Thanksgiving weekend. The couple filed for divorce the following Easter. I attended a wedding where people were openly placing bets on whether the marriage would last longer than the warranty on the electronic gifts.

M&A? My money is on til death do them part.

Chart Toppers

I had my annual Solar Return chart read last week and it look like change is in the air.

I sit down with my main man Kevin and I look at my chart. I don't know what any of the symbols mean but there is a LOT of action going on in one of my pie slices. "HOLI SUN SIGNS! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?" Kevin laughs but I am convinced that the universe hates me and there is a black cloud over my head. Kevin assures me that the universe is a kind and loving place and he starts the reading. I am not going to bore you with the Mars in this house and Venus rising mumbo gumbo (hmmm gum-bo) but I will tell you this like Kimberly Locke, I feeeeeel a chaaaange, babe...washing over me. I feeeeel the raaaaaains babe, comeing to set me free!*

He said that what I have been calling depression was actually me laying low and getting the rest I really needed. That my restlessness is a good thing because it means that I am gearing up start new projects. When I asked if one of those new things was a job he said not until Feb or March. He did say that December was a good month for me to form partnerships though. Blamed the swim class fuck up on Mercury being in retrograde. Grrrh. That all of action that I saw in that pie piece was me dealing with relationships. Mostly friends. That some will come and some will go but not to fret because I will be ok. Called me magnetic. I like that word!

All of the craziness of 2008 was just the foundation of for the changes that will take place in 2009 and there looks like there will be quite a few. He showed me something in my chart that pointed to my struggle with feelings of being enough. Said that it would be a life long thing and for me to stay on top of it. Finally he said, "You are following your dream and people are going to try to talk you out of it because they don't understand. Some will project their own disappointment with their life on to you but keep pressing because you doing what you are doing is going to give them permission to live fully also."

Yadda yadda travel. Blah blah possible move. Badda boom badda bing romantic relationship looks like a weiner, I mean winner.

Yep, it's offical, "Dre said it's funky enough!"

Yeeeeeah booooooooy,
Tex

One Republic Was Wrong. It's Never Too Late To Apolpgize

I don't like strife. I take tender care of my relationships and if ever there are hurt feelings I try to make amends swiftly. Sometimes I hit the mark, sometimes I am way off. At the very least I try to let the offended person know that it probably wasn't my intention to be such a bitch.

Yesterday while searching the interwebs yesterday I came across oopsimsorry.com "Oops.....I'm Sorry is an interactive web site that offers people Options, Opportunities, Possibilities and Solutions (OOPS), to deal with the "OOPS" that happen in life. Oops" as we define it is, anything that goes wrong or is upsetting."

I know that nothing beats a sincere in person apology but in a pinch is this a tool?

You talk. I listen.
Tex

Ob-la-di, ob-la-da

October was a hard month for me. Very hard. Sporty, bless his heart was worried. There were days when I only got out of bed to go to work. My energy was low and I was off centered. Way off.

The fog lifted. I looked around and just like the Beatles (and later Patti Lupone) sang Ob-la-di, ob-la-da life goes on brah, oh la la life goes on. Life went on ineed!

Casey over at BeeWhoUR added photography to her growing empire! She is an award winning photographer so if you are in her neck of the woods, shoot her an e-mail and book your appointment before she gets hip to the fact that $99 is crazy afforable and she starts adding zeros to her price!

The very Fresh and always Sassy, Julie intoduced her new daughter to her church family. There is even video of the event! Ella is super cute. While you are over at Julies blog, read her story of how she and Ella met. It is truly the feel good movie of the year!

Kris is Not A Girl, Not Yet A Wino but she is a very talented BlogHer writer and has an interesting take on Twitter.

Susan has lots of Random Moments. She was a little down herself this month but then she may have met her soul mate! There was a kiss but no exchanging of numbers, text or Twitter Ids! ACK!

Kate's life is very Scandalicious Suburbia there was talk of penis size and a very thoughtful post about friends.

This had me laughing out loud. Really? A Curl? Yikes! Gotta love Facebook.

But the Vagisil as toothpaste story posted by Fringes at Where Are The Naked Pictures had me laughing so hard I was crying!

Missy, who needs NOTHING BUT GOOD NEWS FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR, had a scare.

Finally, I cried a lot of tears in October. There was the realization of a friendship lost (I don't think she will be mad forever). There was a huge holi-mother-of-Vanentino-I-am-HOW-OLD freakout, complete with wine and ice cream. Then there were the what-do-you-mean-I'm-not-registered-for-that-swim-class fit that left me wondering why the universe hates me. (sigh)

Whatever.

All of that angst began to lift when The Thinking Mans Babe invited me and paid for a telecall about shifting perspective. BEST DAY OF OCTOBER hands down. Then Kristi of She Just Walks Around With It wrote a post entitled Hope: 1 Experience: 0.

Ob la di, ob la da life goes on brah. Oh la la life goes on.

New chapter starts tomorrow. Thanks to Kevin at Mind, Body & Soul I have a good idea about what about to happen.

Be excited, be very excited.
Tex

And We're Back

Dre has said it's funky enough and I am out of my funk.

More later,
Tex

I get by with a little help from my friends

I am in a funk. I have been in a funk for the better part of three ok six weeks. Some days are more funky than others. Today has been just stank. Apparently Dre didn't say it was funky enough. (I am so doing the Whop as I sing along with the D.O.C)

I am sad. I have a bad case of the birthday blues and even though there are days when I don't want to get out of bed I get by with a little help from my friends.

My friend That Green Eyed Chick, quoted me on her blog today. It made me laugh because I could hear her speaking those words.

My friend Jill just refuses to let me give up. Friday night she listened as I cried snot bubbles, laughed so hard I threw up my PMS dinner of a chili dog and sliced of vanilla cake and raged against my life in general. Our conversation tonight included this little diddy: "Uh, I see nothing wrong with drinking a bottle of sparkling wine by yourself. I would add some weed and end the evening with my vibrator. It's the trifecta of pleasure!"

My friend Brie made me laugh the hardest today. A friend of mine broke up with me (at least that is what it feels like) and it really hurt my feelings. I have finally made peace with the situation and am moving on. Brie asked, "Hey you make nice with your girlfriend?"

"No..." I didn't even finish my sentence when she said, "Well, I guess she better break bread or play dead!"

"Excuse me!?" (Yikes)

"You know, like Snoop Dog. Break bread or play dead. Did I not say it right?"

"Brie, I am fine. I was going to say that I have wished her well and I am moving on but uh, when did you start quoting Snoop Dog?"

"I don't know sweetie. I saw it on TMZ. It just felt like the right thing to say." I don't know which is more disturbing. The fact that this woman is in her mid 60's, that she watches TMZ or that she was quoting Snoop. She later confessed that she really didn't know what she was saying but knew that it would make me laugh.

So you are in a funk, who or whatis keeping you from going off the deep end?

I am not a doctor nor do I play one on tv. However I am a very pesky girlfriend who badgered Sporty to the point that any time I mention his doctors, insurance and his health...he makes the Botox face. (Makes the face where his forehead wrinkles.) He can make all the faces he wants. I need his grumpy ass alive to buy me Berripop smoothies and waterproof ipods for my birthday. Oh, and I love him and all that yuck.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers. Mary Kay sales, cute babies, cheap gas, found money and The Thinking Mans Babe's wisdom must have all been sprinkled with chocolate shavings because Grumpy has an appointment next Wednesday!

Whoo to the hoo!

Deeep Breeeaths

First, thank you all for sending us your positive thoughts and prayers. They were felt most when I didn't go all Shirley McClaine on Sporty's doctors and insurance people. See, Frick didn't tell Frack what the hell was going on (read insurance people and doctor people were not on the same page) so we were not able to get our test results.

I have to believe that if Sporty's head was going to expolde that someone would have called to warn a sistah but I don't know any more.

Anywhoo, the medical stress + my lack of full time employment stress has me drinking wine out out of the bottle with a Krazy Straw.

Anyone have any good news? You find a $5 spot in your jeans? Found gas for under $3 a gallon? Did your TiVo tape some cool new show? Did you get an unexpected "I love you" from your partner? Anything? Anyone? Ok, if you think of something hit me up in the comments. In the mean time I will take the advice of my then five year old nephew, "Aunt Tex, go rot in a pile!"

Big Poppa Pump is your hook up, holla if you hear me!
Tex

Come on! Who doesn't love Big Poppa Pump?! HAHAHAHAHA!

Prayer Party

Dearest Party People,

Today I need to put the party on pause and I am going to ask you send some prayers to Sporty and I as we are going to the doctor to get some test results. After today we will have one more test to run and hopefully have some conclusive answers.

Until then say a little prayer that he will be around long enough to see me to wear a pencil skirt with a twin set and pearls, hear me gangsta rap without sounding so suburban and most of all that he lives long enough that when I am old and have cold old lady feet, he'll still be there for me to warm them up under his shirt.

Health care is a bitch for the un/undernsured
Tex

Quick Question

If I see your husband, boyfriend, wife, girlfriend, domestic partner getting down with someone other than you at an out of the way cafe would you want or expect me to tell you?

The Sports Writers Own AT&T Bars Ad

This guy had to deal with the Techo Twins.



This is what dating Tex is like.

"Sporty here. Since Tex doesn't have full bars here, she can't call to tell me that she took a bite of my burger without me knowing. Instead, I went back to Wendy's and clocked the manager. Now I'm under arrest and looking at 3-5 for assault. Looks like my new career will be writing about shankings and deals for smokes. Thanks Tex!

(Now cue the theme of OZ)

Actual note: She did take a bite out my burger (damn her), but I didn't go back to put the Wendy's manager to sleep with a right hook.

Today a member of my family passed away. An aunt that I haven't seen in a while but I kept in touch with her two daughters.

It brings back memories of losing my dad, who was just on my mind the other day.

Funny story: My dad has the same expression in every picture. Half smile, almost a bemused smirk, as if he's a celebrity taking a picture with yet another fan. It's funny because in almost every photo I have of him everyone around him has huge grins and he's like "Yes, yes. I know, I am awesome. Now take your picture so that I can get back to my CNN and green tea." Smile. Flash. He was outtie.

I have a photo of my dad with my sister on my bedside table. Last week after spending some quality time loving myself I tossed my feminine hardware onto the bedside table. I knocked the photo down and my vibrator landed on my dads head, or rather the picture of his head. EEK!

"Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Daddy, I am sooooo sorry!" I said out loud, reaching to correct to photo. Then I saw it. That half smile/half smirk and I just cracked up.

I don't know why I just typed all of that. But I am glad that I did. It was the first time in a very long time that I was able to think about him without brushing away tears.

Team Tex Is In Full Effect

But when one little cross
Leads to shots, grit your teeth
You run for cover so discreet
Why don't they

Do what they say
Say what you mean
One thing leads to another (yeah yeah)

(Happy sigh) Yes, party people, one thing does indeed lead to another. See what had happened was...
I mentioned that my weight loss CD's were working so well that I thought it would be fun to train for something. The women that I work with are all pretty fit so they were all, "Oh hell yeah! We'll train with you! It'll be fun! Let's do it!"

Yeah, right.

Later that night I told my friend, The Best Damn Massage Therapist EVER, who also runs marathons, what happened at the studio and she said, "That is a great idea! Oh hell yeah! I'll train with you! It'll be fun! Let's do it!" For a split second we were both fired up like Pony Boy and Soda Pop. Instead of doing it for Johnny we were "training for triathalon!"

Holy Mother Of Pudding Cups, I am training for a triathalon! Wait..strike that. I am training to be part of a relay team that will participate in a mini-tri. I will be the swimmer of the team or rather, teams. See, when I got to the studio and told the girls that I was indeed going to commit to training with my friend they said, "Wait, I thought you were going to race with us?"

"You guys were serious?"

"YES!

"Really?"

"Yes!" I thought about a conversation I had with an ex-coworker who commented on my new attitude. She said, "Tex, when I first met you, you couldn't believe that people actually liked you. It's a good thing that you have gotten over that." Have I gotten over that? These women were about to commit to this because of an off the comment I made in jest. To support me. Because I said I wanted to. "Oh hell! Lets do it! It'll be fun!"

We got online and found a race. God willing and the creek don't rise next October we will be participating in the Tri, Girl, Tri Triathalon. I will be swimming 1/2 mile in open water, my friend Million Dollar Baby (she boxes) will be running and El Presidente will be biking our little hearts out in Nappa Valley.

Now where did I put my swim goggles?

Quick Question

Is catching up on The L Word on Logo as lame as trying to watch Sex And The City on TBS?

Just wondering,
Tex

I FOUND A SWIM CLASS!

Swimming? Best. Workout. Ever. I love it! However like masturbation it's a solo sport and when it comes to exercise, Tex likes the group exercise orgy. I haven't been to the pool in forever because I get bored and couldn't find a class that fit into my schedule. UNTIL TODAY!

Today I signed up for a Saturday morning class that starts on my birthday! If that is not a kozmickiss than I don't know what is! A Bone (that's Ankle Bone's gangsta name) mentioned a woman he knew who took up swimming and the remarkable results she got. Whoo to the hoo!

I am so excited. I think I may train for something! (Did I just say train for something? Yikes.)

Toodles,
Tex

REMIX!

Had a post about friends and feelings decided against it when I saw a former classmate on a reality show. The sucktastic part wasn't that they were on a reality show it was that they were the first one voted off the show! NO ONE WANTS TO BE THE FIRST ONE VOTED OFF!

As I am watching the show (thanks for the heads up Kay Kay) the one thought that kept dancing in my head was, "Oh...my...freakin...gawd. I am a grown ass woman. I am in my LATE thirty's there is no way I would put up with the bullshit. ESPECIALLY on TV!"

(ok, so I finally get DirecTV back after close to three weeks. Am I TiVoing the debates? Countdown with Keith Oberman? The Situation Room? Anderson 360? Hell no! I'm watching Blue Lagoon, Iron Chef and something about sex on MTV.)

So question: If you were to go on a reality show which show would you go on? Can you cook? Are you the next Food Network Star? Have a passport? Are the the Amazing Race type? Can you sew? Project Runway? There are a zillion different reality shows out there. I am curious, which one would you even consider going on?

Lights, Camera and if your are lucky you are getting some Action,
Tex

In My Best James Brown Voice I Am Singing...

I FEEL GOOD (da na na na na na na)
I KNEW THAT I WOULD (da na na na na)
SO GOOD (beat.beat.)
SO GOOD (beat.)
I GOT YOU (beat. beat. beat.beat beat)

Big finish with jazz hands!

For the past week or so I have been listening to Provida Life Sciences SMART Technique CDs and I have to say...I don't know how they work...I just know that they do. I have been making better food choices and eating much less but still feeling good. This week I was at the grocery store and Pepperidge Farm cookies were $4. I grabbed a bag and as I walked the aisles I was tempted to grab a second bag. On my way to checkout, I passed the end cap where the cookies were and instead of grabbing the other bag...I put the bag I had back on the shelf! (Insert Twilight Zone theme song/happy dance combo.) All this and I haven't even gotten to the exercise part of the program yet! Me very happy.

Finding these CD's in my post Ike clean up was definitely a Kozmickiss!

Whoo to the hoo,
Tex

PS: You do know that when I am hot and sexy it will sooo be on. Be afraid party people. Be very afraid. I am so going to be the bitch in the grocery store walking around with a sports bra and yoga pants. HA!

New Day For You

I'm no longer Bitter Tex.

Today I begin a three month stint with Weight Watchers and re-up with the fine people at the Y.

Today I also begin my Blessing Challenge at www.bettertobless.com so no more rants about the government. However I did get a chuckle at my friend J Fo's comment, "Girl, I thought you had some kind of head trauma!"

In honor of my big day lets all sing along with Basia, shall we!

Blessings and Low Fat Salad Dressings,
Tex

Are You Fuckin KIDDING Me?

I am single. No children. Not a home owner. Uncle Sam is my pimp and I am his bottom bitch. Tax breaks? For me? Yeah, right.

I have kept an open mind throughout this election season. For the better part of two years, I have listened with an open heart and open mind. I have listened to both conservative and progressive talk radio. I have read both conservative and progressive websites and magazines. I think of myself a truly an independent voter. I want the best man and or woman for the job. Plain and simple.

I liked McCain. I think as far as Republican candidates we could have done a lot worse. There were times when I thought I could vote for him.

I have no beef with Obama. Again, not my candidate of choice but whatever. It is what it is. I'm all for change but I need some food on my plate. I need you to tell me exactly HOW you are going to effect this change you speak of?

This is why I am more upset today than I was Friday night listening to Sirius Patriot. (You think I am joking when I say NEVER AGAIN. I assure you. I. Am. NOT.)

You are running for office. You want my vote. You "suspend" your campaign to run back to DC to help broker a deal. Even after all of the political Viagra you still can't get it up and deliver the money shot? You can't even get your own party to back you? Where is this so called leadership? I thought you were the big cock on the block.

Oh and THIS is what really pisses me off. The Republicans who voted against the bill said they did so because of Nancy Pelosi's speech. What in Ricky Bell Hell are you talking about?! So she made an inappropriate speech that you don't agree with. Grow the fuck up and get shit done. You telling me that you got punked by a woman with big hair and pearls? Really? I call bullshit!

AND THEN FOR BOTH PARTIES TO LEAVE TOWN AND NOT HUNKER DOWN TO PUSH THIS THROUGH? Again, I call bullshit!

Since I am on a roll, members of the media...leave Sarah Palin alone. Really. We get it. The unintentional humor factor of her interview skills was fun for a while but this is the future of our country we are talking about. We all know that Joe Lieberman would have been better for the ticket but Maverick got confused and instead of finding his Goose, he heard Moose and well we see what we have now.

I am so over this election. I am still going to vote because I have voted in every election I could since I was 18. However, I am so for a real third party. But until we get that third party, here is a campaign that I can get behind.

Carry on,
Tex

A women who takes class where I work can in to the studio and burst into tears when she saw us. She lives off of the coast by Galveston and Ike was not kind to her.

We chatted for a bit and she told us all of the things that she has to replace due to the storm. When she mentioned bedroom furniture I said, "Dude, you guys are newlyweds, you can fuck anywhere